


Two's Company, Ten's a Crowd

by Mishafer



Series: Saturating the Reibert tag with Actual Reibert Fics [6]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, First Love, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Sexual Tension, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2018-12-21 04:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11936079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mishafer/pseuds/Mishafer
Summary: Now officially together, Reiner and Bertholdt are excited for a week with their friends at Zeke's house by Lake Maria. Although getting alone time in the crowded place is difficult. Add drunken mishaps, late night excursions to abandoned hospitals, and Bertholdt adding ranch dressing to his chili cheese fries, and it's going to be an unforgettable week.





	1. Day One and Two

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so I decided to continue this since it was just too much fun. Again, side pairings are Annie/Mikasa, and Galliard/Pieck.
> 
> This work will just cover this particular vacation. Afterwards, I'd love to continue their story after they get back home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bertholdt worries how his and Reiner's new relationship will change their friendship. And later, he gets a little too drunk.

It had taken six hours of driving to get to the small lakeside town of Shiganshina, and everyone was beat.

Bertholdt lay upside down using Reiner as a body pillow. Feet beside the blond's head while his cheek rested on his ankle. He had slept long enough to assume that position, yet having gotten the futon in Zeke’s living room meant he had to deal with the man's nocturnal habits. Namely his vaping in the unlit kitchen. Bertholdt was glad he had stopped smoking cigarettes, but the artificial fruity scent turned his nose.

Hearing Reiner breathe out a sharp breath after Zeke took back to his bedroom, Bertholdt asked, “Are you awake?”

“Yeah, of course,” Reiner answered.

“You want me to move?”

“Nah. It’s too cute.”

Bertholdt smiled against his leg. Despite the sleeplessness, it was wonderful to snuggle with Reiner. No longer having to keep a certain distance. Instead he could shut his eyes and enjoy the warmth beneath him. To his almost shame, Bertholdt had often cuddled his body pillow at home and pretended it was Reiner. However, it was too squishy for him to believe as his friend’s firm physique. The real thing was better anyway. So much better. And he would have seven more nights to sleep beside Reiner. Paradise.

Pieck and Galliard had not been so lucky, the former made to share a bed with Annie and the latter with Marcel. Bertholdt figured Zeke didn’t think he and Reiner the types to fool around in the open. Which they weren’t, or at least Bertholdt wasn’t. He thought about it though, especially as he was lying halfway ontop of Reiner.

“Wanna hit that gin?” Reiner asked.

Marcel had swiped two bottles from his parents. It would cause trouble once found out, but they decided it worth the scolding.

“Nah, we should save that for tomorrow night.”

“Yeah, I know. I just wanna see tipsy Bertholdt so bad.”

“Tipsy Bertholdt is a disaster.”

“Tipsy Bertholdt says naughty words and I like it.”

He bit his cheek. “Yeah...”

A wave of guilt. Drinking with his friends while his mother was home beginning treatment? Though she had practically pushed him out the door, telling him he needed to enjoy himself and not be inhibited by her illness. Still he worried how she was doing. If she were wishing him there and regretting her insistence he go.

“Hey, Reiner?”

“Yeah?”

“Will you tell me I’m not selfish for coming even though mom’s starting treatment?”

“You’re not selfish for coming even though your mom’s starting treatment. She literally packed most of your suitcase.”

“Thanks.”

***

Bertholdt, Reiner, and Marcel had taken lunch at a lakeside restaurant. Seated outside on its wooden deck while the others enjoyed the shore below.

“I am so pathetic. I have never been this pathetic in my life,” Marcel proclaimed, head in his hand.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Reiner said, sipping on an iced tea.

“What the hell. You’re supposed to be encouraging me in your can-do Reiner-like fashion.”

"I'm on vacation."

“You’ll find someone,” Bertholdt assured him. “But do you really want a girlfriend, or do you just want to not be the only one single?”

“Both." He threw his head back. "Ugh, how fun would it have been to have Sasha along for this. Skimpy outfits, her big bouncy personality.”

Reiner snickered. “Heh, yeah, bouncy ‘personality.’ But I thought you were happy with being a gentleman and stepping aside.”

“I was until I got here and found out how pathetic I was. Although…” He scanned the shore below and fixed on a group of girls.

“We’ll help you scope out chicks.”

Bertholdt made a low sound in his throat. “We will?”

“If you want.”

“Uh, I’ll think about it.”

The waitress approached with their orders and a cheerful greeting. Reiner hated seafood of all kinds, which this restaurant’s—and everywhere near's—specialty. Though luckily there was an available turkey burger. Bertholdt and Marcel were thrilled for their shrimp scampi. As the girl leaned over the table and laid out Bertholdt's boat, his vision lingered down her shirt at her generous cleavage. Going white, he darted his eyes back to the table.

Once she left, Marcel erupted, “Did you see how she was looking at me?”

“You’re delusional,” Reiner said, taking a bite of his burger.

Bertholdt was hoping to god neither of them saw him ogling the waitress. Yes, ogling. That’s what he was doing. What was wrong with him?

Reiner. He loved Reiner. The apple of his eye. Gorgeous. His tight t-shirt illustrated his toned body and made Bertholdt want to stare at him all day.

“You said you were starving,” Reiner said.

“Huh?” Bertholdt realized he hadn’t been eating despite his rumbling stomach.

Marcel pulled over his boat. “Awesome, more for me.”

“Hey—” He took it back.

“This still tastes like fish,” Reiner said with a swallow. “If I had an allergy, I’d be dead by now.”

Marcel licked his fingers. “If you had an allergy, you wouldn’t eat here at all.”

“Point still stands. They basically tried to kill me.”

After finishing and splitting the bill with their allotted money from their parents, Marcel said he was going back to the house to ‘make himself pretty.’ Whatever that meant. Reiner and Bertholdt strolled though the boardwalk. It was littered with kiosks for games, fare, and shopping. The balmy temperature and calls of seagulls helped calm Bertholdt’s unease. Reiner spoke to him about sneaking the gin bottles past Zeke when the group revisited the boardwalk that evening.

“I know you hate PDA,” Reiner began, “but is putting my arm around you okay?”

“Oh, yeah,” Bertholdt replied. “That’s fine.”

He wrapped an arm around him, letting his hand dangle casually over his shoulder. “So that waitress’s rack, huh?”

He came to a halt and froze stiff. “W—what?”

“You were looking right at ‘em.”

“They just—just got in my way. My eyes’ way, I mean.”

He laughed and shook his shoulder. “Bertl, I don’t care.”

“I—why not?”

“Because she had a nice rack.”

He scratched his neck. “....Yeah.”

“Just because you’re a vegetarian doesn’t mean you can’t admire the sight of a nice rack of lamb.”

He broke into a laughing fit. “That’s a great analogy.”

“Come on, I’ll buy you a cotton candy. I know you still have to be hungry.”

***

Bertholdt worried this vacation was turning into ‘everyone from home is here, but squished together in a smaller space.’ Eren, Armin, and Mikasa showed up to his surprise. Zeke never mentioned them coming, but of course they would, Eren was his brother. Bertholdt was very fond of them, and was happy Annie got to be with her girlfriend, but the place was getting too crowded for his taste. Though the trio was okay with cramming into the last available room and sharing its own fold-out couch.

Also, Eren and Marcel had a way of mixing that could be unpleasant. Not predictably volatile like Eren and Jean or Reiner and Galliard, but a grab bag. They might get along just fine, sharing jokes and achievements, or Marcel might wrap Eren in duct tape and throw him off the pier to prove he could. Or vice versa. No one could predict it—and Reiner would only lend encouragement.

“Okay, Pieck,” Zeke began, locking his black sedan's door, “I trust you’ll keep them all in line while I meet up with my bandmates.”

Pieck nodded. “I’ll gag and bind them, push them into the van, and speed back home if they misbehave.”

“Good,” he said, starting toward the lively boardwalk.

_Is she really going to do that?_  She knew they were planning on drinking, though wasn't going to take part.

After they were left on their own, they ordered sodas at a kiosk and found a secluded spot to spike them. Marcel’s backpack held the coveted gin.

“Can I at least have a sip?” Eren asked Reiner as they started back into public.

“No,” Reiner replied.

“Please? I just want to know what it tastes like.”

“Double no.”

“Says the guy who helped me get around the parental blocks on my cable.”

“It actually tastes great,” Marcel said, licking his lips. “Guess I’m one of those people who likes the taste.”

Eren clenched his fists. “Oh yeah? I bet I’d like it too if you just let me  _have some_.”

_Oh no_ , Bertholdt thought. _It’s started._

“Galliard? Annie? Please?” Eren pleaded.

Mikasa glared. “Eren.”

Armin placed a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll have plenty of chances to drink in college.”

Eren huffed. “Ugh.”

Bertholdt was offended Eren hadn't asked him for a sip. Why, because meek, obedient Bertholdt would never do such a thing? That was crap.

“Here you go, Eren,” Bertholdt said, handing him his styrofoam cup.

“Bertholdt!” Reiner exclaimed, and the others added protests.

Bertholdt waved them off. “Relax, it’s not gonna get him blackout drunk.”

Eren took a tentative sip and grimaced.

Galliard shook his head. “Tsk, tsk, tsk. I’m gonna tell Zeke.”

“Snitches get stitches,” Reiner said, and Galliard rolled his eyes.

Eren handed the drink back to Bertholdt, straightening his expression. “It’s—it’s good.”

Marcel scoffed. “Liar.”

“It is! I like it!”

“Don’t think so.”

Eren stopped. “I can handle anything. Come on, I’ll order everything spicy and gross and bitter that they have here.”

“And so will I.”

Great. Now the night would end with the two getting their stomachs pumped.

Reiner pulled his phone from his pocket. “I hope this is charged enough to handle all the video I’m going to be taking of this.”

Bertholdt frowned. He had hoped to take a walk with him alone. This was a challenge. Going out with friends never made him worry how much time he got to spend with Reiner. As a couple—is that what they were?—he was uncertain how to proceed.

“Your Lumia is trash and has trash video quality,” Galliard said, taking out his shiny black iPhone. “I’m doing it.”

Annie cocked her head. “Yeah, besides, Reiner and Bertholdt need to go and be all gross and coupley like they are.”

“We’re not gross and coupley,” Reiner said. ”It’s just because you and Mikasa don’t even look like one.” Mikasa smirked and wrapped an arm around Annie. “Oooh, how risque.”

“Ugh, do something with him, Bertholdt.”

Bertholdt smiled.  _Thank you, Annie_. “I will.” He hooked an arm under Reiner’s and urged him away.

Reiner puckered his bottom lip. “But—but… Marcel versus Eren disgusting eatathon.”

“Heh, you heard Galliard, your phone is trash.” He sipped his drink and scrunched his face. “I’m sort of with Eren, this is not pleasant.”

“You poured out like half your Sprite, how much gin did you put in?”

“Made it about half-and-half.”

He bowed his head and laughed. “You idiot, oh god, you idiot. Oh my god.”

“What? What?”

“That kind is so concentrated, if you drink all that you’re going to get  _so_  blitzed.”

“Oh well.” He took another long drink.

“Haha, that’s it.”

They found a bench facing the lake and sat down. Moonlight reflected off the crashing waves and Bertholdt continued to nurse his cocktail. His skin warmed and his surroundings grew more colorful. He and Reiner discussed music and TV, each one of Reiner’s humorous observations striking him as oddly hilarious.

“Do you hear that song in the distance?” Bertholdt asked.

Reiner put his hands behind his head. “Not really.”

“It’s a love song from the 80s. It’s so pretty, makes me think about you.”

He grinned. “You finish your drink yet?”

He tossed back the last few drops. “Have now.” He gazed across Reiner’s form, licking his lips. “I love that shirt. You look so hot.”

“Yeah.”

“Ah! You’re supposed to be all modest.”

“Says who?”

“I don’t know. Like… people.” He pulled Reiner’s shirt up an inch and exposed a stripe of toned flesh.

Reiner nudged his hand away. “Control your whore-mones.”

“Fine. Let’s go, I need to like throw this away anyway.” He stood up with a wobble.

Reiner rose beside him. “You really are shitfaced. Let’s go back to the car.”

“No, I need to throw—I hate littering.”

“Right there, buddy.” He pointed to the trash can right beside the bench. Bertholdt dumped his cup in the bin, and Reiner picked up his own from the bench.

“Fancy meeting you here,” a monotone voice said from behind. They turned to see Levi standing alongside their science teacher, Ms. Zoe, and principal, Erwin Smith.

“H—hi,” Bertholdt said. “What the…”

“You following us?” Reiner teased.

“Popular vacation spot,” Ms. Zoe said, adjusting the rim of her wicker sun hat.

Bertholdt giggled under his breath. Why was she wearing a sun hat at night?

“How do you know my—my Levi?” Bertholdt asked.

“We’ve been friends for some time,” Erwin answered.

“I never knew this!” His voice came out louder than he intended. “Do you talk… talk about me?”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “My, my, I believe my star student is inebriated.”

“I ought to report you two,” Erwin warned. “Underage public drinking—”

Ms. Zoe smacked him on the back. “Leave them the hell alone. They’re kids, they’re on vacation. You were a teenager once, or at least I think you were.”

Bertholdt gave a nod. “Yeah, totally, you so didn’t just hatch out of a super serious principal man egg all authoritative with scary eyebrows.”

Reiner buried his face in his hand and Ms. Zoe cackled. Levi's lips formed a small smile.

“Well, do you at least have an adult nearby?” Erwin asked.

“Yeah,” Reiner answered.” Zeke.”

He tensed. “Mm.”

Bertholdt glanced around. “And Marcel, and Galliard, and Eren, and Mikasa and everyone is here too. Pieck is here somewhere also, not drunk ‘cause she only does peyote? She’s so weird.”

Reiner dropped the remains of his drink into the trash. “I’m just a little buzzed, so I’ll take him somewhere safe, guys.” He linked arms with Bertholdt and dragged him toward the parking lot. Zeke had entrusted him the second key to his car.

“Have fun!” Ms. Zoe called.

“Why are you doing this?” Bertholdt asked, leaning into him. ”You wanted me drunk.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want you to embarrass yourself too much. Or have Zeke get mad. He’s not as cool as he used to be.”

“You’re not as cool as you used to be. Asshole.”

“Oh, it’s naughty words Bertholdt. Been waiting for him.”

“Fuck you.” He laughed.

“Yeah, yeah.” They reached the car and climbed in the back seat. They sat opposite from one another with legs crossed. Reiner clicked on the overhead light. “How about we play a game?”

He clapped. “Yes, yes!”

“Truth or dare? Cliche and classic.”

“Yes!”

“You’re so cute. So you want to go—”

“I’ll go first. Truth or dare? I choose definitely truth.”

“Okay…” He pursed his lips. “What was your last internet search?”

“Ugh. That’s boring.”

“I want to start easy.”

“I think it was… ‘Yahoo mail login.’”

“You don’t have that bookmarked?”

“It’s a new lap notebook. Didn’t do the bookmarks yet. Okay, truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“Text Galliard, ‘I huff your dirty sheets.’”

“No, no way.”

He threw up his hands. “Okay. Game over.”

“Fine, fine.” He pulled out his phone and typed a message. “Okay. Done.”

“I don’t believe you did it. Lemme see.”

“I did.”

He grabbed the phone. “This says ‘Bertholdt huffs your dirty sheets!’”

“Hah.” He reached for his phone but Bertholdt held it away. It dinged. Galliard had replied with, ' _...the fuck?_ ’

Bertholdt held it out. “Let’s not tell it’s a joke.”

Reiner reclaimed his phone. “Oh, of course not. Imagine his face right now.”

“Hey, but you should have to go twice now ‘cause you cheated.”

“That's fair. I pick truth.”

He sucked on his tongue. “How big is it?”

“That is  _incredibly_  dirty.”

“Answer, damnit!” He hiccuped.

He stretched thumb and index finger as far apart as he could. “That big.”

“No way. I’ve seen the—the bulge in your—yeah.” The blush paired with his drunken flush had him sweating. His clothes clung to to his skin.

Reiner’s phoned chimed. “Get this, he says, ‘ _I’m ninety-nine percent sure that text was a joke but that one percent is really scared. Does he really?_ ’”

“Don’t answer.”

“Wasn’t gonna. So truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“How about you… see how far in my mouth you can stick your tongue.”

“'Kay.” He leaned forward and cupped Reiner’s face before snaking a tongue in his mouth. His lips didn’t move, instead focusing on extending his tongue as far as possible.

Reiner backed away with a laugh. “You taste  _awful_. And I didn’t mean stick your tongue in like you’re a frog and there’s a fly in my throat.”

He licked throughout his mouth, spreading the sour aftertaste of soda. “So mean.”

The car door swung open and Zeke announced, “Eren and Marcel are sick. I need to take them home.”

Reiner groaned. “Aw, man, what’d they eat? What’d I miss? Are they okay? Is there video?” He shuffled out of the sedan alongside Bertholdt, keeping a grip on his shoulder.

Bertholdt kept himself quiet as not to give away his state. It was easy as he was more focused in staying balanced.

A green-faced Marcel and Eren stood hugging themselves. “Don’t wanna talk about what we ate,” Marcel murmured. "And I think Galliard got video."

“What about everyone else?” Reiner asked Zeke as the older man climbed into the driver’s seat.

“My friends have an eye on them for now,” Zeke replied.

Bertholdt’s head grew light and his stomach twisted. He lurched for the back of the car and hunched over before throwing up. His head throbbed and he leaned against the back of the car, heaving for breath. Eren and Marcel said his name in vain before retching themselves.

“ _On_  my car and  _in_  my car!” Zeke shouted in a tone that Bertholdt briefly thought sounded like a chimpanzee.

Reiner held his sides, laughing uncontrollably as he moved over to where Bertholdt knelt. “Hey, you—you okay?”

He wiped his mouth and started to reply when he spotted three blurry figures several yards away. One short, one tall, and one with a sunhat.

_Oh no… no, no, no, no_.

***

So this was a hangover. He had hoped since he sobered up a bit before passing out he would avoid its brunt, but he awoke with a splitting head and queasy stomach. Which was unfortunate since Galliard made banana walnut pancakes from scratch paired with a side of cantaloupe and honeydew. Yet the thought of eating it made his insides roll. He sat on the now folded up futon nursing a glass of ice water while everyone ate at the table.

“Okay,” Galliard began, standing up after Pieck excused herself to call her parents, “as you may know, tomorrow is Pieck’s birthday. It has go perfectly. So no one better upset her so help me god.”

“Pieck is the most unflappable person I’ve ever known,” Zeke said, nibbling on his cantaloupe. “I think she’ll be fine.”

Eren smirked. “Yeah, I think you mean, ‘so no one better upset me so help me god.’”

“Says ‘The Scream,” Galliard retorted.

“Hey, everyone agreed to drop that stupid nickname!”

Zeke raised a hand. “Children, children.”

Bertholdt lay down on the sofa, grateful the aspirin was kicking in. His headache and sore muscles dissipating into a faint thrum. The rest finished breakfast and cleaned up before preparing for their next outing.

Reiner crouched beside Bertholdt. “Still don’t feel good?”

“Not really.”

“Against the aquarium then?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll stay here if—”

“No, no, no, I’ll feel better later. Go.” Reiner nodded before biting a laugh into his cheek. “What?”

“I’m sorry, I’m thinking about it again.” Bertholdt frowned. “Hey, hey, like I said, I’m not laughing at  _you_ , I’m laughing at Marcel and Eren and Zeke yelling.” He began a laughing fit.

“And the fact Ms. Zoe, Principal Smith, and Levi saw it. That’s sort of at my expense.”

He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“‘Don’t want you to embarrass yourself,’ huh?”

“Ah, hey, you got your first drunken humiliation out of the way and you survived. Remember mine?”

Reiner had crashed Pieck’s little brother’s tricycle against her fence in front of said brother as well as Pieck’s parents. It was amazing it supported his weight at all.

Bertholdt chuckled softly at the memory.

“There we go. Laugh at me.” He kissed him on the temple and stood up. “At least you don’t have to steam clean his car for him. He’s making Eren and Marcel do it before we leave.”

“Lucky me.”

After the others left, Bertholdt listened to the clock on the wall tick. His phone rang from beneath the couch with the ringtone for his mother. How it ended up there he didn’t know. Fear flashed through him when he answered it, worried something awful had happened.

“Hello?”

“Hi, how’s it going?” his mother asked.

“Great. Really fun so far. Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m okay. Have—”

“You don’t feel sick yet?”

“No, Bertholdt, I called to ask about you.”

“Well, there’s really nothing to say other than it’s been fun. Pieck’s birthday tomorrow oughta be intense.”

She laughed. “I imagine Galliard is preparing hard for that, huh?”

“Heh. Yeah.”

“Okay, well, I’m actually in line at the store so I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Right. Bye, take care.”

“Bye-bye.”

“Momma’s boy,” Annie said as she strolled in from the hallway.

“You didn’t go with them?”

“Why the hell would I want to see a bunch of fish?”

“They’re kinda cool.”

"Eh." She sat down on the coffee table across from him. “You want to hear a bit of gossip?”

“I don’t really like gossiping.”

“This is incredible though.”

He sighed. “Yeah, alright.”

“Pieck and I were talking late last night and she told me before Zeke moved here, he had a thing with her mom.”

“That’s awful.”

“No, it’s not because her parents have an open marriage.”

He blinked. “Seriously?”

“Yep.”

“Her parents have this... arrangement and we’re only just hearing about it now?”

“Well, it’s not something you really want broadcast around town, is it?”

Considering how unconventional Pieck’s parents were, it wasn’t  _that_  surprising.

“Did she want you talking about this?”

“She said she didn’t care.”

Bertholdt was silent a moment. “Did… did Zeke like stay over at their house?”

“I don’t know the nitty-gritty details. And frankly I don’t want to.” She looked him up and down. “Pervert.”

“What, no I was just—you must be thinking it too.”

She gave a tiny smile. “I know. I was just giving you a hard time.”

***

Zeke's punishment for their drinking—along with the gin's confiscation and his own consumption of it—was help cleaning around the house. Bertholdt expected tidying up, laundry, sweeping, not scrubbing the kitchen floors and walls. Though he thought it fair and had recovered from his hangover so he was up to it.

Bertholdt, Reiner, Annie, and Mikasa worked the kitchen walls while the rest worked the bathrooms. Mikasa and Annie were nearly unrecognizable in the white t-shirts and denim cut-offs offered by Zeke so they wouldn't get bleach stains on their black wardrobe.

Reiner ran the brush back and forth across the wall and Bertholdt couldn't help staring. His sleeveless shirt showed off the arm muscles as they flexed which each scrub. And his sweaty scent, while objectively unpleasant, was making Bertholdt a bit faint.

He bit his tongue every time the impulse struck to bend down and lick his neck.

“Does this violate any labor laws?” Reiner asked, inching over beside Bertholdt. “He said only after we’re done do we get dinner.”

Bertholdt took a step back. “I’m gonna take a break.”

“Lame,” Mikasa said, stepping over to rinse her brush in the sink.

Bertholdt rinsed his hands as well before heading outside to the back patio. Pieck and Armin sat at the metal table both staring at a laptop screen.

“You done cleaning already?” Bertholdt asked.

“He didn’t make me clean,” Pieck replied, keeping her eyes on the screen as she typed.

_Because he and your mom used to—_  He shook the thought from his head. Maybe it was because she hadn’t drank, but neither did Armin and still he had bathroom duty.

“I’m on break,” Armin said, taking a bite of a granola bar.

Bertholdt sat down at the third chair beside them and checked his phone. No calls or messages. He then inquired the two what they were doing and they told him of preparing for something called a hackathon.

He was about to ask if they would help him learn more about technology since he found it interesting, when Pieck asked, “So have you and Reiner made love yet?”

Armin nearly choked on the last of his granola and Bertholdt went red.

He shouldn’t have been surprised, no topic was ever off-limits to her, but  _that_? “I—that’s... what?”

Armin leaned further toward the screen, focusing on it like if he stopped he'd drop dead.

“I saw the way you were looking at him is all. So have you?”

“That’s not really your business,” Bertholdt replied.

She leaned back in her chair. “That means you haven’t.”

They hadn’t.

“Like I said, not your business.”

“You should do it here. It’d be romantic.”

“Can we change the subject?”

“Yeah,” Armin spoke up. “Like uh, you think you and I an switch jobs? I can't reach the top of the wall in there even on a chair."

"It's all been decided, Armin. Zeke was pretty adamant."

He pouted. "Yeah."

Bertholdt stood. “Okay, well, I'm gonna get back to it."

"Think about what I said," Pieck added.

***

Bertholdt lay in bed on his side against Reiner's chest. Arm around him and enjoying his heat. The desire to lick his neck remained, but his tiredness made him content to drift off to sleep. Besides, Zeke had been skulking about, staring out the window while he vaped and threw back a few shots of gin.

“I’m glad everyone shut up,” Reiner said, carding his hands through Bertholdt's hair. "I thought they would never sleep."

Eren, Armin, and Mikasa had been listening to songs by Zeke's band, Rebellio, in their room and trying to match their vocals. They did so in hushed voices, but the sound carried.

He cracked up. “I'm surprised Eren actually sleeps at all.”

"Yeah." He was silent a few moments. "Are you weirded out by the whole Zeke and Pieck's mom thing?"

"Who isn't?"

"Pieck apparently."

A door in the hall creaked opened and footsteps neared. Bertholdt shut his eyes and pretended to be asleep when there was a weight on the bed.

“The hell are you doing?” Reiner asked. Bertholdt turned his head to see Marcel.

Marcel inched back. “Uh…  _Porco_  was eating a can of tuna in bed because he’s an awful human being, and then he spilled it all over my side while I was changing and I hate him.”

“So cover it with a blanket.”

“There are none and it smells like tuna all over and it makes me wanna puke. Please? I’ll stay on the far side.”

“What about Annie and Pieck? They’re super tiny, there'd be plenty of room for you.”

“It’s just less weird sleeping out here in the open than in their bed with them.”

Bertholdt rolled into his back. “Of course you can.”

“Yeah, alright,” Reiner said.

“Thank you.” Marcel lay down on his side at the bed's edge. “I won’t even get under the covers.”

Bertholdt realized that If he and Reiner were not together, this would be a non-issue. Several years before, the three of them piled into a tent on a camping trip with no issue. Now it had become ‘weird.’ He hoped Marcel wouldn’t start feeling left out. That was the last thing he wanted. He had seen too many people start a relationship with someone and lose interest in their friends.

“No,” Bertholdt said, sitting up on his elbows. “You can. It’s fine. We don’t want you to feel left out because we’re a couple now. We won’t do that to you.”

Marcel was still a second before sliding his legs beneath the blankets. “...okay.”

“Yeah,” Reiner said, tone heavy with a smile. “You can hop into bed with us anytime if you’re ever feeling left out.”

Bertholdt grit his teeth. “You know what I mean.”

Marcel laughed. “I know what you mean, Bertholdt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canonverse Bertholdt: Proves he's not a wet rag by showing his incredible warrior strength and fighting on his own.  
> Modern AU Bertholdt: Proves he's not a wet rag by giving Eren gin, getting drunk, and throwing up in front of seven people.
> 
> youtried.jpg


	2. Day Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reiner and Bertholdt debate the existence of ghosts. As well as share special late night alone time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I wanted the chapters' POVs to go from Reiner/Bertl/Reiner/Bertl I'm having reservations about 5k word chapters each time so I'm cutting chapters shorter so it's not quite as much to bite off at once (also a lot easier for me). I didn't do that with the last one because I felt the events after their drinking at the boardwalk wasn't solid enough to be its own chapter. 
> 
> This probably matters to no one but me but there ya go.

“That’s really what you want for your birthday?” Galliard asked. “When you said ‘something money can’t buy’ I thought you meant love or some shit.”

“My sprained ankle is acting up again,” Pieck said, lying flat on the sofa. “Makes walking hard.”

He scratched his head. “Okay. If that’s what you really want…”

“Never fear, m’lady,” Reiner said, marching over to the sofa and scooping her up. “I’ll escort you around.”

Pieck placed the back of her hand on her forehead. “Oh, strong Sir Braun, you’re my hero.”

Galliard huffed at Reiner. “Great, give me flashbacks to the stupid renaissance festival you drag us to every goddamn year.”

“That you love,” Pieck said. “You had me make you a bard’s costume.”

Galliard held out his arms. “Reiner, just give her to me.”

Reiner mock gasped. “A lady is not a _thing_ to be given.”

Pieck peered up at him. “It’s okay, I consent.”

“To be carried by the court jester?”

Galliard lowered his arms. “Oh, for fuck’s—Pieck, piggyback rides are funner.”

He barked a laugh. “Ironic.”

“I’m ignoring you.”

Reiner set Pieck down and she circled around Galliard before hopping on his back and hooking her short legs around his arms. “Yep, this is gonna be the best birthday ever,” she said, pecking him on the cheek.

His face softened into a boyish smile. “You bet. Where to?”

“The peach tree out back. I want to pick some.”

He took her to the back door and exited outside.

Reiner wanted to be equally as cute with Bertholdt, and called, “Hey, Bertl?”

“Yeah?” he answered from what sounded like the laundry alcove in the kitchen.

Reiner found him there dumping a hefty amount of soap inside the washing machine. “Zeke make you wash his underwear?”

Bertholdt recapped the bottle. “Heh, no. Just a normal wash.” Reiner wrapped his arms around his waist and nuzzled his neck. “Hey—that tickles.” He giggled. “Reiner, stop.”

“You like it.”

He let out a weak, “No.”

“Yes.”

He shut the washer’s top hatch and fiddled with the knobs. “So, you ready for the ghost tour?”

Reiner’s grip around him tightened. “Hold me.”

“You know they’re not real.”

“You don’t believe in ghosts?”

He shook his head. “No.”

He let go and they faced each other. “Interesting.”

“I mean, it’s fine if you do. I just don’t.”

He folded his arms. “Hmm, so all this time I’ve had a fear of something you don’t even think exists. How silly you must think I am.”

His shoulders stiffened. “No, no, no, not at all. I don’t think you’re silly, and I’m open to changing my mind.”

“Then I have to change your mind.”

“Go for it.”

***

Reiner sat down beside Bertholdt on the shore beneath a beach umbrella. Settling on the large towel, he wrapped an arm around him. "See these?” He held his phone out with his other hand.

“Oh, those orb things?” Bertholdt questioned. “Aren’t those just light flares on specs of dust or something?”

He sighed. “Fine. Okay. How about this?” He swiped to a picture of a blurry human-like figure outside a dark building.

“Could be anything.”

“What about mediums? There’s so many of them they can’t all be imagining things.”

“Yeah, true. But have you ever heard of ‘cold readings?’ You ask someone in the crowd if they know an old man named Jack and the name is so common—”

“Okay, okay. Yes, I know about those. I think a lot of them are fake, but some are definitely legit.”

“Find the legit ones then. I’d love to see them.” He shifted against him. Reiner worried his close contact paired with his shiftlessness was too much PDA (though Bertholdt still had his shirt on, sadly).

He took his arm away and started to search for credible mediums. “No, what the hell? I just had two bars.” He held his phone out before noticing Pieck and Galliard by the water. He smirked. “Hey, and you felt like _you_ were ogling yesterday.”

Pieck sat working on a sandcastle. Her arms pushed her purple bikini top covered-breasts together as she crafted. Galliard sat across from her, his face blank and vision fixed on her chest.

Bertholdt cracked up. “Oh, that’s not… subtle.”

Reiner raised his phone. “Taking a pic of this with my ‘trash phone.’”

“Reiner, no.”

“Reiner, yes.” He zoomed in and the shutter clicked. “Well, hey you wanna get in the water?”

He looked around. “Uh, I don’t think so. It’s so crowded, I’d rather just stay here and relax.”

He suppressed a frown. “Okay.”

“Sorry.” He placed a hand on the open book to his right.

“Don’t be sorry.”

“Maybe if we come here early tomorrow morning? Won’t be so crowded.”

“Yeah. Early tomorrow morning…”

“Or not.” He smiled. “You know what? Nevermind, It's okay, let’s go.” He started to stand.

“No, no, you said you didn’t want to. I’ll stay with you here for a little bit.” He glanced at his phone. “See, I have two bars again.”

***

Pictures of ghosts and other paranormal under the bright sun was tolerable. But a ghost tour at dusk? Reiner clung to Bertholdt as the group traversed the sidewalk. Pieck rode piggyback on Mikasa, the former’s eyes lighting up as the female tour guide explained the haunted history of the buildings they passed.

“Her hatchet,” the darkly dressed tour guide continued.

“Okay,” Reiner whispered to Bertholdt, squeezing his arm, “I’m always hearing these reassurances that oh, they’re no ‘evil spirits,’ and I was assured the ghosts along here would be of the ‘kind old lady who shuts doors and turns off lights every now and then’ variety. Not this.”

Bertholdt bit a smile into his lip. “Well you know, in the movies they always get the non-believers first, so when they attack me, I’ll protect you.”

“Yeah... but you _can’t_ protect me.”

“You know what? I’m just not going to argue your ‘ghosts always win’ logic anymore.”

“That’s because you can’t, Bertl.”

“Maybe I can’t buy into all this ghost stuff because I don’t want to believe in ghosts that are going to pulverize our utterly helpless selves.”

“Yeah, that’s smart actually.”

The group reached an inn and the guide told a tale the kind old man whose ghost was seen and heard inside. Reiner loosened his hold around Bertholdt’s arm.

Night had fallen by the end of the tour. Despite the innocuous spirits the outing ended with, Reiner kept close to Bertholdt. Hyper aware of his surroundings as they walked to a nearby Italian restaurant. The indoor lights and enticing scent of garlic from the kitchen eased his tension while they were seated. After a little while, Reiner relaxed, but stayed shoulder-to-shoulder with Bertholdt at their booth.

“This is so bland,” Galliard said, spinning his fettuccine with his fork. “Dreadful.”

“Stop trying to talk like Gordon Ramsay,” Marcel said with an eyeroll. ”Besides, you ordered the light alfredo, what did you expect?”

Reiner stretched his arms above his head. “He’s just bitter he has to watch what he eats unlike me who can eat anything and still look like this.”

“Hey,” Pieck cut in beside a scowling Galliard. “Leave him alone. Another birthday wish.”

Reiner raised a hand. “Sorry.”

Galliard sprinkled a hefty amount of salt on his dish. “You know what? My birthday wish is gonna be to punch Reiner’s face as much as a want.”

“And cut your fist on my chiseled jaw?” Reiner could _hear_ Bertholdt’s internal groan.

“It’s _our_ birthday,” Marcel said. “And my wish will be for you to not do that.”

Galliard set his fork down. “I can’t wait to hop into bed later and crack open another can of tuna. I’m not going to finish this crap, so I’ll be famished.”

“I don’t think Gordon Ramsay would approve of _canned_ tuna.”

“I’m so hungry, I’m gonna chow down on two cans. Simultaneously. Like two spoons in each hand.”

Marcel slumped. “...are you really gonna do that?”

“Yeah.”

Bertholdt rested his head on Reiner’s shoulder as the brothers continued bickering. “I’m getting sleepy.”

“You know turkey always hits you hard.”

“But it’s so good.”

“And you are so cute,” he whispered.

He made a low noise in his throat. “You keep saying that.”

“Annie,” Marcel said, leaning across the table. “Let’s switch. I’ll stay with Pieck and you him.”

Annie’s eyes widened. “No, I already said before we got here under no circumstances am I bunking with him.”

“And we’re having such a good time,” Pieck said to Annie before turning to Gaillard. ”You wouldn’t eat in bed if we shared one, would you?” She pouted.

He patted her wrist. “Oh, of course not.”

Marcel buried his face in his hands.

***

“Best idea I ever had,” Reiner proclaimed with a satisfied sigh.

“I’m warming up to it,” Bertholdt replied, lounging across from him.

“You’re in a jacuzzi tub, so you should be warm.”

It neared 2 AM, and Reiner suggested he and Bertholdt use the hall bathroom’s whirlpool tub (while in swim trunks, of course, though Reiner wished otherwise) so they could enjoy the water by themselves unlike at the lake shore. Zeke though had limited the tub's use to two short baths for two separate people per day. Lame. Extremely lame. And Zeke used to be cool.

But with their host out cold from the gin...

Reiner lifted a leg from the bubbling water and laid it on Bertholdt’s shoulder.

“Hey,” Bertholdt protested.

“There’s not enough room.” He sighed again, the immense heat and rose bath oils making him feel like jelly. “Hey, wanna invite Marcel so he doesn’t feel left out?”

Bertholdt heaved a breath, making his bare chest rise and fall.

_Nice._

“Very funny.”

“What was with that, anyway?”

“What do you mean?”

“‘We’ll never let you feel left out?’”

He drew his knees up a few inches. “Oh, it’s just with us, I don’t want him to feel like a third wheel.”

“The guy inserts himself like a vertical tetris piece into everything. He’s fine.”

“Heh, yeah well, if a few weeks ago he’d asked to crash with us because Galliard ruined his side of the bed it would've been not ideal but not… weird for him to, you know?”

A proverbial lightbulb went off over his head. “Change isn’t always bad. Like a month ago, doing this—” He moved his foot across Bertholdt’s bicep. “—would have been considered way over the boundary of friends.”

He smiled and stretched out his legs. “That’s true. You haven’t roughhoused me in a while though.”

“Roughhoused?”

“You know how you’d come up behind me and pick me up or try to put me in a headlock and I’d _easily_ get out of it? We’ve done that ever since we were kids. I don’t want things like that to stop.”

“Fine by me.” He bounded across the tub, water sloshing around his waist, and placed him in a gentle headlock. “Like this?”

He laughed. “Ah, hey, you’re getting water on the floor.” He gripped Reiner’s arms pulled himself free. Next he pushed him back across the tub and pinned his hands above his head. “Levi is right. Lifting weights and catching a ball with a stick isn’t anything like martial arts. No real world application from lacrosse.”

His heart pounded. Bertholdt’s skin brushing against his and the tight grasp around his wrists sent a thrill through him. “H—harsh.” He glanced up. ”You gonna let go?”

“No.” He leaned down and kissed him. Reiner’s eyes fluttered shut and he melted.

He pulled back. “Hm…”

“What?”

He slowly ran his eyes down his body and Reiner felt himself stiffen just a tad.

_Fuck._

“Why haven’t you ever asked me to teach you any martial arts?”

“I have.”

“To _show_ you stuff, not teach you.”

“‘Cause it’s your thing. And you’d top me at everything anyway.”

“You don’t want me to top you?”

Okay. What was it about Bertholdt being alone with him in a steamy bathroom that made him so flirty?

“I could not be more fine with you topping me,” he replied.

They stared at each other a moment. Bertholdt’s eyes widened before he freed Reiner’s hands and sat back. “Uh…” He cleared his throat. “I’m starting to prunify. We should probably get out.”

He frowned. “So soon?”

“Yeah. I prunify quick.” He stood up and stepped out of the tub, hurriedly drying with a towel.

Reiner placed his elbow on the tub’s edge and rested his chin in his hand. “Freaking out, huh?"

“No?”

“Really? Because you'e putting your pajamas on over your wet shorts.”

He looked down. “Oh. I’ll go change somewhere else.” He slipped the bottoms off before taking his other clothes and heading out the door.


	3. Day Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Although they've promised to be good, the town of Shiganshina has a very interesting abandoned hospital.

“I’m gonna jam my sword right up your ass,” Reiner said to the foe he faced on Skyrim.

Marcel lay on the sofa beside him eating a bowl of cheddar potato chips. “Hey Reiner, did you know that no one was surprised you were gay because of all the comments you make about things going up yours’ and other people’s asses?”

“Rude, Marcel. Very r—oh fuck!” An arrow flew into his character’s head and depleted his remaining life.

“What is the matter with you?” Zeke asked, coming over from the kitchen. “Beautiful town and gorgeous shore and you waste time doing things you can easily do at home.”

“You have the Dragonborn DLC though,” Marcel said, popping two chips in his mouth. “Neither of us do.”

Zeke crossed his arms as Reiner's last save loaded. “How much did you spend on that armor?”

“He’s obsessed with having awesome armor,” Marcel replied. “So too much.”

“La-la-la, I’m not listening,” Reiner said.

Zeke moved to the window and peered out. “Is that… Erwin Smith’s car?”

Marcel hopped to his feet. “Oh, god, run, run!” He started for the hall when Zeke grabbed him by the shoulders. “Why, Zeke? Why?”

“Don’t run away. I always thought you were brave.”

 _Says the guy who TP-d a house and hauled ass?_ Reiner thought. Of course, he did it too…

“But I’m on vacation, and it’s the _principal_. I want to cower and tremble.”

Reiner hit pause on the game as a knock came at the door. Marcel hurried to the sofa and hid behind his friend.

Zeke opened the door and Erwin stood proud. “Principal Smith,” Zeke greeted. Marcel made an eek noise and Reiner stifled a laugh.

“Please, call me Erwin.”

“Erwin. What brings you here?” His eyes narrowed behind his glasses. “Levi or Hanji must have given you directions.” Hanji and Levi had taken Eren, Mikasa, and Armin shopping for outdoor gear.

“Yes.”

Erwin peeked inside and met Reiner’s gaze just as Marcel disappeared behind him. “Hello, Reiner. Marcel.”

Reiner gave a nod. “Erwin.”

Zeke stepped aside. “Please, come in.”

Erwin entered the living room and Zeke shut the door behind him. “So, where are the others?”

Reiner reached for the bowl of cheddar chips. He didn’t even like them, but he needed something to snack on for this.

“Pieck and Galliard are at the farmer’s market, and Annie and Bertholdt are at the bookstore a few blocks over. Since I'm sure you're interested, Pieck and Galliard took my van, and yes both of them have a license. Annie and Bertholdt walked.”

Erwin examined his surroundings. “Yes, how is Bertholdt? He was very drunk the other night.” He stared at Reiner.

“Hey, _I_ didn’t make him drink that much,” Reiner said, swallowing a mouthful of chips. “He has a will of his own, you know.”

“And they were all punished,” Zeke added. “Had them scrub the walls and floor.”

Erwin raised his thick brows. “Hm.”

“Marcel, would you come out?”

Marcel rose from behind Reiner. “Sorry. Hey, Erwin.”

Erwin faced him. "Mikasa told Levi you and Eren were sick because of something you ate, you weren't extremely drunk, right?"

"Yeah. Fried and pickled fish that we dipped in horseradish." He grimaced.

"Galliard's video of it is awesome," Reiner said. Marcel thwacked him on the back.

Zeke and Erwin's conversation continued. Pleasantries dripping with tension as they sat down at the table and shared tea. Erwin expressed concern over Zeke’s care of his guests.

The front door opened followed by Annie and Bertholdt holding shopping bags.

Bertholdt froze. “Oh—it’s... “

Annie cocked her head. “Interesting.”

“Ah, Bertholdt, Annie,” Erwin said. ”So nice to see you two are doing well.” He turned back to Zeke. “It’s like you’re running a kennel. Why do you have this need to be a hero to these kids? Daddy issues?”

Reiner gasped. You did not mention Zeke’s daddy issues!

Zeke laid his hands on the table. “You said this wouldn’t get personal.”

“Sorry, sorry. Just curious what sane man would want nine teenagers in his house for a week.”

Bertholdt tiptoed to the sofa and sat down beside Reiner. “Uh,” he started in a whisper, “how long has he been here?”

“About ten minutes,” Reiner answered. “I’m surprised Zeke’s keeping his cool.”

Annie joined them on the sofa. “Yeah, especially since his daddy issues are scary.”

“Erwin definitely has a point. It does seem like he’s eager to be a fun yet reasonable father or big brother figure.”

“Like you are.”

Marcel burst out laughing and fell over on the couch.

Reiner gaped. “What? No, I'm not.”

Bertholdt scratched his cheek. “Well, I mean, the younger kids do look up to you.”

“‘Cause I’m a helpful guy.”

“And because you like it,” Annie added.

“I’m just trying to...” He glanced to Marcel’s quivering form and then Bertholdt. _Emulate the people I love most_. “Marcel, would you shut up?”

Marcel struggled for breath and sat up on his elbow. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it. There’s no way to stop it.” He started laughing again.

Annie shrugged. “I could cut off the flow to your windpipe.”

Marcel regained his breath and sat up. “Agh, hey, I puked all over the place while _you_ laughed your ass off, Reiner. So I earned this.”

He supposed that was fair.

Zeke and Erwin got up and strolled to the door before shaking hands.

“I trust you’ll take care of them,” Erwin said with an edge to his voice.

Zeke gave a curt nod. “Of course.”

He looked at the TV’s pause screen and a smile crept onto his face. “I personally think Morrowind is superior to Skyrim.”

Annie raised her hands. “Thank you!”

Zeke opened the door for him and Erwin departed.

“Wow,” Reiner began, “so you two really made up?”

“Never,” Zeke muttered, glaring out the front window. “Just as long as I keep you all…” He sighed. “‘Safe and in line,’ he won’t tell your parents about the drinking.”

Reiner waved him off. “Ah, I’ll keep ‘em out of trouble.”

***

This was illegal. And if they were caught, they were screwed.

It was a joke when Reiner first suggested it. He didn’t want to do it since it freaked him the hell out. But once Eren and Marcel had the idea in their heads, all hope was lost. And while Marcel was dependable, Eren impaired his sense of reason. So Reiner had to tag along, and Bertholdt wasn’t about to sit there and wait for them to get back. They then stuffed pillows under their futon's covers and swiped the keys to Zeke's van. Hopefully the others wouldn't wake while they were gone.

“This place is definitely haunted,” Reiner said as Eren crawled under the neglected wire fence. "But that's fine..."

Reiner swore to be brave. Abandoned hospital? In the middle of the night? Under a bright full moon? No problem.

“Did the website say where the most dilapidated parts were?” Eren asked as they crossed the overgrown grass.

“You mean where we’re not going?” Reiner said, assessing a busted window since the front entrance was chained shut.

“Yeah,” Marcel started, “you’re not old enough to go into dangerous areas like that.”

Eren whirled around. “You want to die? Keep talking!”

“Eren, quiet,” Bertholdt said.

“Sorry.”

They climbed through the window into the waiting room. Moonlight created a dim sheen inside. Various trash and disorganized furniture littered the room. Reiner resisted the urge to superglue himself to Bertholdt’s side. He was determined to be brave.

Marcel shone his phone’s flashlight and illuminated a spider web across the archway into the hall.

Reiner winced. “Let’s go the other way.”

Bertholdt eyed the web before swatting it away. “There’s no spider on it.”

“Then where is it?”

“Come on already,” Marcel said, heading into the hall. “God.”

Reiner gulped as they made it to the cafeteria. Dishes and silverware remained on the tables which made Reiner grind his teeth. Though he wondered if previous visitors had arranged things so they’d look spookier to future guests. There were sloppy pentagrams painted on the walls after all.

Marcel gawked toward the kitchen. “Oh, the kitchen. That’ll be disgusting.”

Reiner placed a hand over his cheek. “Oh my _god_ , you guys, imagine the bathroom!”

Eren trailed after Marcel. “I know you’re making fun of us, but it should be sick and I do wanna see it.”

Bertholdt stopped by Reiner’s side. “Hm, I really don’t see what's so fascinating about this place. It’s boring.”

Reiner edged closer so their shoulders brushed together. “Yeah, we should go make out. You know this has to be a hook-up spot.”

“It’s grimey and awful.”

“Wait,” Eren said, turning around. “Are you guys actually serious when you say stuff like that?”

_Oh, Eren._

Marcel snickered.

“Yeah,” Reiner replied with a suppressed smirk.

“Oh.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay, I just didn’t know if you’d been joking those times before. Like at the boardwalk. So, you’re together then?”

“Uh, yeah,” Bertholdt answered.

Marcel banged his head against the tile wall. ”This is painful, oh my god. Eren, let’s leave the room before it gets worse.”

“Yeah…” Eren bowed his head and followed Marcel into the kitchen.

“Does he even know Mikasa and Annie dating?” Reiner whispered.

“Hey, he probably just didn’t—” Reiner gripped his middle before hoisting him a few inches off the floor. “H—hey!”

“You said you wanted me to do this, so…”

“Well, not right _now_.”

He walked forward several steps and swayed him back and forth. “But you’re flying!”

“I'm not flying, I have an annoying blond growth on my back.”

“You should rub it.”

“Reiner…”

“Okay, fine.” He set him down. “But since I skipped dessert earlier, I really need something sweet.” He leaned up and kissed him, flicking his tongue on his bottom lip. Bertholdt murmured a weak lament against his mouth before kissing back.

They stopped when shuffling sounded from elsewhere in the building. Images flashed through his head of demonic specters creeping through the hospital. Human voices followed and Bertholdt whisper-yelled, “Get Marcel and Eren!”

Reiner forced his frozen limbs to move, reassuring himself the sounds were made by living people. Eren and Marcel slunk out of the kitchen when a lively voice pierced the corridor.

“Hide!” Marcel mouthed, scrambling back into the kitchen. The others trailed behind. Reiner, Eren, and Marcel found a shadowed alcove by the stove and they squeezed together.

“Bertl!” Reiner urged.

Bertholdt’s eyes darted around the room. “I—I can’t fit. Uh…” He darted toward the end of the room and climbed feet-first inside an overturned wooden barrel.

“What the hell is he doing?” Eren asked. “There’s a spot by the fridge.”

“Maybe it’s a martial arts thing,” Reiner said, cracking up when the Bertholdt-filled barrel rolled slightly.

“Shhh!” Marcel warned.

The footsteps reached the cafeteria and the lively voice rang Reiner’s memory—Miss Zoe, or Hanji since they were on vacation. The quiet male voice alongside hers could only be Levi’s.

 _They’re doing the same thing?_ His fingers clutched the back of Eren’s hoodie.

“...absolute filth,” Levi said. “I'll have to take at least two showers when I get home.”

“Ah, you’re ruining this,” Hanji said, followed by what looked like a camera flash.

“I cannot believe this,” Eren whispered.

The footsteps entered the kitchen. More camera flashes and a tiny squeak escaped Marcel’s throat. Reiner’s heart pounded hard enough he worried it could be heard. He wondered if they should reveal themselves. Spare them the embarrassment of being found hiding. Yes, that was the best idea.

_Be brave, Reiner!_

Marcel grabbed his wrist as he started to leave his hiding place. Reiner broke free and he revealed himself. Levi jumped into a fighting stance and Hanji startled back.

“Hey, guys,” Reiner said.

Levi lowered his arms. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Marcel and Eren came out and stood on either side of their friend. “And you?”

“Just what you’re doing,” Marcel said. “But without the camera.”

“Oh good,” Hanji said with a smile. “He is really making this no fun at all.”

Reiner saw the barrel move from the corner of his eye, but no Bertholdt.

Levi raised a brow and strolled over to it before crouching down. “Hello, Bertholdt,” he said with a short sigh.

“Hey,” Bertholdt mewed back.

“Staying in there or coming out?”

“I’m kinda.... um…”

He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re stuck.”

“Yeah.”

The other four shared a few laughs under their breaths.

“It appears my star student is trapped inside a barrel.”

“Are you gonna help me out?”

Reiner chuckled and started over when Levi raised a hand and said, “You know, none of us are supposed to be here, but even more so you four. I would honestly love to roll one of my most talented students down the hall of an abandoned hospital in a barrel.”

“You don't have to keep saying it like that...”

“Okay so,” Eren began, “if we let you roll him through the building, you won’t tell Erwin?”

“Exactly. Though between me and all of you, so you don't get the wrong idea about him, he just has a bee in his bonnet about Zeke. Really, he doesn't care much what you get up to as long as it's not on his school grounds. So what do you say?”

“Yeah okay,” Bertholdt said. “It does sound kinda fun.”

Hanji held up her camera. “Oh! Oh! I’ll snap pics!”

“No, no pictures,” Bertholdt protested.

“I won't take shots of your face.”

“That's okay then.”

Levi stood up and laid both hands on the barrel, rolling it a few inches. “This will be easy.”

“Not too fast,” Bertholdt said. “Or I might get sick. And no one wants to see that again.”

“True.” He rolled him to the door and Hanji aimed her camera behind him.

“So how are you stuck?” Reiner asked. "And why did you jump in there when there was a spot by the fridge?"

“My arms are wedged against the sides and I can’t push out with my legs because they’re stuck too. And I guess I panicked.” He paused. “Hey, this is pretty fun. Everything’s right side up, then sideways, then upside down, then back again.”

“Seems like a very underrated form of transportation,” Marcel said.

Eren caught up to Levi. “Yeah, I want a turn.”

Levi rolled Bertholdt into the hallway. “This isn’t a state fair.”

“Aw, come on.”

“No.”

Eren whined.

Reiner patted Eren’s shoulder. “Hey, we’ll take the barrel home.”

“How are we gonna explain that to him?” Bertholdt asked.

“Say we found a barrel on the side of the road while we were taking a walk this morning. You hopped in.”

“I wouldn’t hop in a barrel on the side of the road for no reason.”

“True. That’s more of a Marcel thing.”

A pout formed on Eren’s lips “You don’t think _I’d_ jump in one?”

“For crying out loud, it doesn’t matter,” Levi said as they neared the front lobby..

“This footage is hilarious!” Hanji exclaimed.

“Hey, what do you think this barrel was used for?” Bertholdt asked.

Hanji bit her lip. “In a hospital kitchen? Probably dried beans or rice. Or maybe a trash can if they were desperate.”

Levi smirked. “Or maybe it’s where they tossed the bad hearts and kidneys after transplants.”

“...then why would it be in the kitchen?” Bertholdt questioned.

Marcel mock shuddered. “Yeesh, let’s change the subject.”

Levi stopped him before the open window they had climbed through.

Reiner knelt by the end of the barrel to an upside down Bertholdt. “You ready to get out?” Bertholdt gave a small nod. ”No you’re not, you wanna roll around some more, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“How many more times can I tell you you’re cute before the word stops making sense?” Even in the dark, the blush on Bertholdt’s cheeks was obvious.

“Awww,” Hanji cooed, filming from the opposite side of the barrel.

“Wait no, that’s not fair,” Eren said. “If he gets another roll, then we should get one.”

“He’s actually right,” Levi said, securing the backside of the barrel. “I’ll hold it still. Reiner, you pull him out.”

Reiner slumped. “Aw, but he wants—”

“My lips are feeling very loose suddenly. Would be a shame if I told Erwin some—”

“Okay, okay. Bertl, we’ll roll you in it tomorrow.” He gripped Bertholdt’s bent elbows. ”Get you naked and rub you down with baby oil so you don’t get stuck again.” He winked.

Bertholdt shifted. “Uh, I’ll just position myself better.”

“Your loss.” He yanked on his arms and—damn, he was really stuck. After a few tugs his arms popped free followed by his legs.

Bertholdt crawled out and stood up, brushing himself off. “Ow, my legs are crampy.”

It really wasn't fair how cute he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reiner: *is terrified of ghosts in scary place*  
> Bertholdt: *is being cute in scary place*  
> Reiner: What ghosts I don't even know her


	4. Day Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While out trying to get Marcel a date, a disagreement between Bertholdt and Reiner makes Bertholdt despair. But Pieck offers some great advice.

“Tonight, I’m getting a hot date,” Marcel proclaimed, watching Armin and Reiner roll Eren down the sidewalk in the barrel. “No more dumb shenanigans.”

Bertholdt anticipated dumb shenanigans.

Marcel stretched back on the lawn chair. “No more distractions like Eren, abandoned hospitals, or _Porco_ being just plain horrible.”

“Me?” Galliard questioned, having overheard from across the yard. He marched over from the bird feeder he and Pieck had filled. ”Really, _Berwick_? You took the entire comforter and left me freezing. I woke up with chills. My side is right under the vent.”

“Oh no, you could’ve died from air conditioner hypothermia.”

“Galliard,” Bertholdt began, sitting up in his chair, “you should help Marcel talk to girls tonight.”

Marcel scoffed. “What? No way. He’d suck.”

Galliard crossed his arms. “Like I want to do that anyway.”

Bertholdt took a sip from his iced tea glass. “Yeah, I guess Reiner's more suited for that kinda thing.”

His face dropped. “Huh?” _Success_. “How is Reiner more suited for that?”

Marcel placed his hands behind his head. “Well, he’s a little more instantly likable.”

“I can be instantly likeable.”

“Eh.”

“Oh, oh no, the fuck with this.” He stomped back into the house. Pieck threw Marcel a soft glare and followed Galliard inside.

Bertholdt slouched. His peacemaking attempt had backfired. “You hurt his feelings.”

“He’s doing nothing but bug me.”

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t be on the outs with him for vacation.”

“Bertholdt, you have a sweet little sister with cute pigtails, I have a fraternal twin who used bite my foot for fun up until we were three. Mom and dad called him ‘Jaws.’”

“It’s not like Mina and I get along perfectly. She always takes my earbuds without asking because she loses hers and doesn’t even look for them.”

“That’s a serious issue. I hope you sort that out before it tears you apart.”

He rolled his eyes. “Ha-ha.”

A shriek sounded from the barrel as Eren went flying out mid-roll. Reiner and Armin helped him up off the lawn, Eren exclaiming, “I’m fine, okay!?”

Bertholdt was grateful he hadn't flown out of the drum during his turns earlier. But he knew better than to let himself be rolled that fast.

“How about this?” Marcel began, ”I’ll take him out with me if you and I can swap beds for a night. You have to endure a night sleeping by Jaws and I get to snuggle our buff teddy bear. You both said I was welcome in your bed anytime, remember? Heh.”

He stiffened. “I… uh—”

“That’s what I thought.”

He scratched the back of his neck. “Marcel, I really think it’d help if—”

He groaned. “Alright, alright, _mom_. But I’m still taking Reiner. And now you have to come since you’re making me sabotage the whole evening.”

“Of course I’ll come. I really don’t think I'd be helpful wingmanning you though.”

“I know. You’re not suited for that."

"I've had actual nightmares similar."

***

“Gosh golly, I can’t wait to find a real swell gal and share a chocolate soda,” Marcel said. “If all goes well we can hold hands.”

Zeke had dropped the four off at a busy arcade center. The brightly lit place was mostly filled with children and their parents. Seemingly with only a few people their age. Bertholdt was reminded of the place Zeke took them out for laser tag years before. And where Reiner kissed the ketchup off his hand. He half-smiled at the memory.

“We’re lucky he let us come here alone at all,” Reiner said, following the others through the spacious lobby. “After what we did. And secretly did.”

“I’m still pissed you didn’t wake me up to go,” Galliard said.

“There were already too many of us,” Marcel explained. “And you looked so peaceful sleeping. Not pig-like at all.”

He whirled around. “Marcel—”

Pieck placed a hand on his chest. “This is not the place for negativity.”

“Hey, look!” Reiner piped up, pointing to the concession counter. “That waitress.”

The messy-haired blonde stood beside a taller redheaded girl. Bertholdt’s eyes unintentionally traveled south—her shirt was high-collared.

_Phew._

Marcel gawked. “Should I just walk up to her like…?”

Reiner pursed his lips. “Definitely, shows confidence. You should also find a way to mention that you let a girl go so she could be happy. That’ll knock her socks off.”

“I think he should just be himself and not try any tricks like that,” Bertholdt said.

“Bertl,” Marcel started, “if you don’t stop encouraging me to be commendable, I’m going to make you wait outside.”

“It is commendable,” Reiner told them. “He’s not lying, just making sure to mention something _commendable_ he did.”

Pieck cocked her head as she watched the two women. “I think he should tell her how he’s ambidextrous.”

“Why?” Marcel asked.

She raised her eyebrows. “Think about it.”

His cheeks grew pink. “Right.”

Bertholdt touched Reiner’s arm. "You wanna win me a stuffed animal?”

Reiner narrowed his eyes. “After you made a big point about us not us ditching?”

He took his hand away. “Well, I wasn’t going to partake in this. And I didn’t think I’d be skulking around by myself."

“Then why don't you and Pieck do something? It was your idea that Galliard come along. Me and him be Marcel’s wingmen.”

“I never planned it as an exact science.”

“I’m just trying to prevent what you didn’t want happening.”

He gnashed his teeth. "Well, you're not."

They said nothing for several moments, the ruckus of the arcade’s voices filling the silence.

Galliard cleared his throat. “This is awkward.”

“No, Reiner’s right,” Bertholdt said, starting for the games. “Come on, Pieck.”

Pieck shrugged and followed. “Coming.”

Bertholdt’s head swam as he made his way to the array of prize games. Breathing out a deep breath as Pieck stopped beside him.

“Reiner says dumb things sometimes,” Pieck said. “Not realizing they’re dumb.”

“Tell me about it.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

His jaw clenched. “No.”

“Then _I’ll_ win you a stuffed animal.”

He smiled down at her. “I would love that.”

She selected a digital archery game, but displayed subpar shooting skills. Bertholdt went next, jamming his fingers down on the controller’s buttons as he mulled over what just happened. He achieved a perfect score and won a white stuffed rabbit from the vendor.

“How did you learn to do that?” Pieck asked, cradling her new rabbit.

Bertholdt flexed his cramped fingers. “Wii archery, mostly.”

“You’re like a ninja marksman.”

“Heh, thanks. Are you hungry? I’m hungry.”

_I need to stress eat._

“Sure. How about you go find a place to sit down over there. I’ll get something and assess how the other guys are doing.”

“I can—”

“Don’t argue. So what do you want?”

“Diet Dr. Pepper and chili cheese fries. Two sides of ranch dressing.”

She grimaced. “Oh, gross.”

“It’s really good.”

“If you say so.” She turned and headed to the concessions with the bunny.

Bertholdt plodded to the dining area and sat a small round table. He tapped his nails against the surface. His chest contracted each time he thought of what Reiner said. A kind of malaise he never felt before. That he never would have felt if they were still only friends. Or if he hadn’t made a point of not leaving their friends out but then suggesting they do just that.

Pieck appeared carrying their tray upon which the bunny also sat. He cracked a smile.

She sat down and laid out the tray. “Here’s you wonderful chili cheese fries that you will defile with the evil that is ranch dressing.”

“You don’t like ranch dressing?” He pulled over his meal and peeled open a dressing container. “Who doesn’t like ranch dressing?”

“It’s an abomination.” She sprinkled pepper on her chicken tenders.

Bertholdt shrugged and drizzled the ranch over his fries before forking in a large bite. _Sweet heaven in a basket._ “So… did you see—”

“No. They weren’t there anymore. Must be going well.”

“Oh.”

“You want to talk about it yet?”

“You don’t want to hear me go on.”

“Sure, I do.”

He shoveled in another greasy helping. “Actually, can I ask you something?” She nodded. “Was it ever a weird jump for you and Galliard to go from friends since forever to girlfriend and boyfriend?”

“You mean like how do we navigate spending time together with and without friends?”

“Yeah, exactly.” He took a long sip of his drink. “I mean it’s like all these things keep coming up that never would have if we were still just friends. I didn’t want things to change like this. I just wanted to be with him more so that I was before, you know?”

“Haven’t you been happy you made that leap?”

“Of course. It’s been amazing.”

“Some change has to happen. I know, it can be weird to have felt like that about someone for a long time and then actualize it. And worry that the friendship is going to be ruined by romantic drama. The first time Galliard and I went out as in _out_ together, he opened my car door for me and I made a joke about it. And then each time he went to be chivalrous like that he’d ask if I liked it and I had to think about it. I do like it but do I want him to do it because he’s supposed to as a boyfriend? Like how does this work now?"

He rested his elbows on the table and leaned forward as she continued, "I wanted to add to our relationship, not twist and muddle it. But you have to take it as you go. I had to ponder if him pulling out my chair for me was what I really wanted or if was what I felt h should do. Did you want to split off with Reiner because you wanted him to yourself, or because you wanted Marcel and Galliard to make up?”

He reflected. “I don’t know.”

“That’s okay. You don’t have to right away.”

“So what did you decide about the chivalry?”

“Still in progress. He opens the door for me now but to be honest he should have this whole time what with how I carry antacids for him.”

Pieck was right. Taking things a step at a time was the best course of action. Still, he dreaded having to talk about this with Reiner.

He added another dollop of dressing to his fries. “Hey, thanks.”

“No problem. Maybe after this you and Reiner can make love. It’d be especially intimate after recovering from your first argument.”

“Uh, that’s… I think adding that to everything right now would make my brain implode.”

“Well, it’s your decision. Although, Galliard and I—”

“That’s okay. I don’t need to know that kinda thing.”

She shrugged and took another bite of her tenders. “I like being around you. You have a soothing presence.”

“Thanks.”

They ate for a little longer and chatted. Bertholdt asking about her tech knowledge and if she would help him learn more when they got back to their hometown of Eldia.

Marcel, Gaillard, and Reiner made their way through the dining area—with no girls.

“Uh-oh,” Pieck said, resting her hands on her knees. Bertholdt met Reiner’s gaze for a split second, but his expression was unreadable.

_Stupid constantly furrowed eyebrows._

“She wasn’t interested,” Marcel said with a huff. “You know why? After she showed us her really cool convertible she asked Reiner and me where our ‘tall friend from the other day’ was. Thanks, _Bertholdt_.”

Bertholdt’s eyes widened. “Uh… sorry?”

_She was into me!?_

“Yeah,” Reiner said, crossing his arms. “Might’ve been been better you weren’t there.”

Bertholdt wondered if that was a dig or not, but decided to ignore it.

"And the other girl had a boyfriend," Marcel added.

“Would you like my chicken?” Pieck asked Marcel. “I’m full.”

He nodded, pouting, and picking up the basket. “Yeah. Thank you.”

Reiner pointed to the stuffed rabbit. “Who won the bunny?”

“I did,” Bertholdt answered. “Archery.”

Pieck pulled over the plush and looked to Galliard. “I think I’m going to call him Mischief and he’ll be our son.”

Galliard moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “Sounds good. Have to find him a good bunny school though.”

“I hate you both,” Marcel mumbled through a mouthful.

“Sorry,” Galliard said. “But hey, I’m sure she just wanted Bertholdt so he could reach things on the top shelf. He's not half as good as you anyway.”

Sure, Galliard just insulted him, but complimented Marcel in the process. Success!

***

After Zeke drove the four back to his house, Bertholdt rubbed his sweaty palms together and placed a damp hand on Reiner’s shoulder before he went inside. Reiner turned and Pieck gave them a knowing smile before shutting the door behind her, leaving them alone.

God, he did not want to do this. “Hey so, um… about you know...”

Reiner heaved a sigh. “I was joking but clearly it wasn’t funny.”

He rubbed his palms on his pants. “Yeah.”

“Sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I just don’t want things to… to...” He knew what he wanted to say next, yet the volume of words caught in his throat. He wished for that burst of confidence when he told Reiner how he felt. Or when he made that innuendo in the tub a few nights ago. “I…”

“You what?”

He forced his breath out, hoping the words would follow. “I don’t want you to not be my best friend anymore.” Phew.

He blinked a few times. “Why wouldn’t I be your best friend anymore?”

“Just because when people get together they kind of start to sort of not be like they were? If that makes sense.”

“That makes sense. But that’s not gonna happen, man.”

He frowned. “It already has though. Like the tub and when I freaked out. It's like I both want that and am afraid it at the same time.”

“Just a few bumps in the road. Don’t worry about it.”

“Sorry I make such a big deal out of everything.”

“Oh, shut up.” He stepped closer and planted a kiss on his lips. Bertholdt’s face lit up and he returned the peck. Reiner gazed up at him. “My god, how tall are you now?”

“I haven’t had the heart to measure in a while.”

“Regardless, I like it. Keeps me humble.”

“You, humble. Right.”

“I told you to hush.” He circled around and wrapped his arms around Bertholdt’s waist. “We never got to finish this the other day.”

He sank into Reiner’s embrace. “Finish?”

“Yeah. If you want to.”

“Definitely.” This was far less scary since they were fully clothed.

He heard him lick his lips before pressing them below his ear. Bertholdt was wracked with a shudder, goosebumps rising across his flesh—they hadn’t kissed on the neck before. Reiner placed another below and Bertholdt’s eyes fluttered shut. He understood why people kissed there. Each one so warm and making him shiver anew. He bore his weight further against Reiner’s strong frame.

“I think,” Reiner said between kisses, “change is good because this way...” Another kiss. “...I can do things like this now.” Kiss. Bertholdt tipped his head to the side to give him better access. He felt Reiner’s lips form a smile as he continued. He reached his shirt collar and pulled it aside. “Can I give you a hickey? Won’t show here.”

Bertholdt nodded and circled a hot mouth over his skin. The bump of teeth and wet suckling tickled and stung slightly, but the fact it was Reiner made Bertholdt let out a nearly inaudible gasp.

Reiner pulled back. “Eh?”

“That was nice.”

He moved back around, his pupils blown wide. “Think you—”

“Can return the favor? Yes.” He glanced at the door. “Oh, but someone might come see why we haven’t come in yet.”

“Nah, they know better. But we probably only got like five minutes until Levi, Erwin, and or Hanji randomly show up.” Bertholdt cracked up and Reiner smiled, adding, “‘My, my, it seems my star student is sucking on the neck of that obnoxious jock.’”

Bertholdt leaned against the wall and laughs shook his center. “That sounded—that sounded exactly like him.”

He waved him off. “Ah, Levi’s easy. Eren too. Just suddenly _exclaim normal sentences for no reason_!”

“That’s mean. Don’t let Mikasa hear you.”

“So how was your time with Pieck? Let me guess, went something like: ‘Bertholdt, you’re my superman for winning me this bunny. Your presence is so incredibly…” He brushed his shoulder. “Comforting. I hope you and Reiner make up emotionally as well as physically. Like Galliard and I do.”

He held back howl a laughter. “That’s—that’s almost exactly what happened. Still mean though.”

His eyes sparkled as he watched Bertholdt giggle. “Hey, impersonation is the sincerest form of flattery. I do this out of love.”

This felt right. Like nothing had changed. Except for the added bonus of the marks Bertholdt soon left on Reiner's shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lesson learned: always ask yourself WWPD - What Would Pieck Do?


	5. Day Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bertholdt and Reiner go running with Mikasa and Annie. And Bertholdt gets angry on Reiner's behalf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep thinking "oh I updated this fic two days ago I'm good" then see it's actually been like ten days and I go oh FUCK.

_Bertholdt and Reiner were back in the jacuzzi tub, except this time hadn't on a stitch of clothing. Hands roamed across each other’s bodies and lips fingernails dug into skin. It was perfect, Bertholdt not nervous at all. Reiner’s mouth traveled down his neck, chest, and stomach before finding his—_

_Mikasa grabbed Bertholdt by the ankles and started pulling him from the tub stark naked._

_“Bertholdt!" she exclaimed. “You have some explaining to do!”_

His surroundings sharpened into Zeke’s living room as he awoke. Mikasa dragged him face-down across the futon.

“What?” Bertholdt murmured. “What are—what?” He felt he was hard against the mattress. “M—Mikasa, stop!”

She let go and started to speak again when a gruff voice interrupted, “That’s not how you wake him up.” Reiner. His heart skipped a beat. They had just been… his mouth was on his… Hot and wet and slick and— “This is how to get him up,” he said as he pinched Bertholdt’s nose shut.

“Ah! Reiner!” His arms flailed and knocked his hand away. The tightness in his groin began dissipating.

Reiner grinned at Mikasa. “Ha, told ya.”

Bertholdt sat up and wondered why he just had a sex dream about that jackass. He pulled his shirt over his groin as his excitement was likely still visible.

Mikasa gave her classic stony glare at the two. “Eren told me everything that happened the other night.” She stomped forward, whisper-yelling, “I cannot believe you!”

_And I can’t believe we thought he would keep that secret._

Reiner raised his hands. “Hey, we went along to keep him safe. And we did. He’s fine.”

“Except when you ran into my uncle and Hanji. If Erwin found out about this? And the drinking?”

Bertholdt put his feet on the floor and stretched. “We're sorry. We should've convinced him and Marcel to stay home.”

Her face softened. "Thank you, Bertholdt. But I'm still watching both of you, _and_ Marcel. Stop being bad influences.” She turned and proceeded out the back door.

Reiner shook his head. “She acts like we have some secret evil plan for Eren or something.” Bertholdt’s phone rang from the coffee table, but Reiner grabbed it before he could. ”Hello?”

Bertholdt held his hand out. “Reiner—”

“Hi, Wilhelm. Yeah, he’s been in the bathroom for like half an hour now, so—”

“Give it!”

He jumped up on the futon as a laugh came from the speaker. “I could knock on the door but…”

Bertholdt growled and bounced up beside him, snatching the phone from his grip. “Hey, dad?”

“Hey there.”

“I wasn’t in the bathroom, he was—”

“I know, I heard you in the background. Sounds like Reiner's having a great time.”

He gritted his teeth. “Yeah.” He sat down on the bed as Reiner got down with a smirk. Bertholdt hurled a pillow at him. He caught it and mock cradled it in his arms before heading to the kitchen. “So how’s mom?”

“Perfectly fine. Been resting.”

“Oh, good.”

He continued the conversation as he tidied up the area. Marcel’s shriek sounded outside. No doubt Mikasa found him.

After a minute of catching up, they said goodbye. Bertholdt went to the bathroom to freshen up and get dressed. He peered in the mirror and pulled his shirt collar aside. The line of red marks—Reiner having given two more after everyone went to bed—were already fading. Bertholdt left a pair of his own on Reiner’s shoulders. He wondered how his were looking since they appeared deep burgundy on his lighter skin tone.

After dressing, he found Reiner leaning against the counter and sipping a coffee. “You didn’t have to jump on the couch and hold the phone away, you know.”

Reiner shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah, but I was thinking to myself ‘what would I normally do in this situation if I weren’t your boyfriend?’ And that’s exactly what I’d do.”

He smiled and poured himself a cup of coffee. “Okay, but next time your mom calls, I’m doing the same thing.”

“ _If_ she calls.”

He opened the fridge in search of breakfast. “If?”

“She hasn’t called me once since we got here.”

His eyes unfocused from the carton of yogurt. “What?”

“Not once.”

“She should.”

“Eh, it’s fine.”

His grip on the door handle tightened before he shut it with more force than needed. “No, it’s not.”

“She‘s just busy with work.”

“If my mom can find a minute while she's in line at the grocery store to call me, then yours can too.”

He deflated. “Bertl, I’m used to it. I don’t care.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Can we talk about something else, please?”

He took a sip from his cup. The hot liquid burned his tongue, but he swallowed anyway. "Fine."

Karina hadn’t always been blase, she used to call and check every time Reiner stayed over at a friend’s house. Sure, he was almost eighteen now but that was no reason to not ask how his vacation was going. Bertholdt had half a mind to call her himself and say something, but the fallout would be humiliating. And having to see her again after telling her off? Besides, Reiner should do it, not him.

***

Bertholdt stood in the garage and watched Zeke’s band rehearse. A man named Colt was the lead singer and Zeke played the guitar. Though Zeke added vocals for the current fast-paced song they played. Singing, 'the slow, sweet love of a woman seventeen years my senior.' Then describing her kind eyes and soft voice.

It was obviously about Pieck’s mother. Bertholdt tiptoed toward the door inside as the lyrics grew racier. He was surprised he was singing this within Pieck's earshot.

"Gah!” Bertholdt ran into Annie as he entered the kitchen.

Annie blinked up at him. “Levi is right, you still startle way too easily.”

“Sorry, I was just thinking about something else."

“Zeke and Rhoda’s erotic memoirs?”

“No.”

“Right." Another racy lyric echoed from the garage. "Well anyway, I was actually looking for you. Reiner is insisting on coming with Mikasa and I for a run at the shore. And since he’s only tolerable when you’re there as a shock absorber, want to come?”

“What part of the shore?”

“East side.”

The east side was the least picturesque, but also had the fewest people. Bertholdt could always count on Annie’s shared preference for quiet.

“Then yeah, I’d love to go. Let me get changed first.”

He went to the living room and dug through his travel bag, finding his beach clothes and running belt. After changing, he met the three by Zeke’s van where they stood rubbing sunscreen on their exposed skin.

Reiner beamed upon seeing Bertholdt. “Oh, you’re coming?”

“Yeah.”

He turned around. “Good, could you rub some on my back? I can’t reach it.”

“ _Under_ your shirt?”

“I might take it off later if I get hot.”

Mikasa raised an eyebrow at Annie. "Good idea." She lifted the back of her shirt to reveal the band of her training bra. “Annie?”

Annie and Bertholdt accepted the sunscreen and deposited some on their hands before moving to their respective partners.. Bertholdt massaged the lotion across Reiner’s back and the blond let out a pleased breath. Gulping, he recalled their intimate encounter in his dream. It was no help he went weak for the scent of sunscreen. And god, Reiner’s skin was so warm...

Reiner let out a low groan. “That’s _good_.”

“You guys are so gay,” Annie said, caressing the lotion across Mikasa’s shoulder blades.

Bertholdt removed his hands. “O—okay. That’s enough.”

Reiner pouted. “Aw…”

They finished readying, Bertholdt rubbing only a thin coat over his exposed skin since he rarely burned.

Reiner drove them in Zeke’s van to the shore and they parked by the east side. The air was cooler than the day before as various cumulus clouds intermittently blocked the sun. Jogging filled Bertholdt's veins with a pleasant burn of exertion. Annie lagged behind the three. Though she would never admit it, he knew she hated having short legs. He started to lessen his strides, but she would have his head if she noticed he was slowing down so she could keep up. After a while, they stopped at spot area by a sandy hill. Mikasa pulled her water bottle from her running belt and shared it with the others.

Bertholdt’s breathing started to normalize as he watched the lake waves. “I’m glad it’s not as hot today.”

“Still too humid,” Mikasa said, smoothing her hair down. “Makes my hair big.”

Annie rolled her eyes. “Your perfectly sleek strands?” She raised her fists and moved into a fighting stance. “Only when I push you down into the sand will your hair will be less than perfect.”

Mikasa took on a pose of her own. “I’d like to see you try.”

Reiner hummed and bit into an energy bar. “Ooh.”

Annie licked her lips before throwing a strike at Mikasa. Her girlfriend blocked and got the upper hand, then pinned her hands above her head.

Mikasa smirked. “Ha, _ha_.”

“You’re a beast, you know.”

Bertholdt rubbed the back of his neck.

Reiner took another bite of his snack. “You’re gonna get all hot and bothered in front of my energy bar?”

“Sorry,” Annie said without an ounce of sincerity.

The couple continued to battle and matched evenly. The frustration showed on both their faces.

“Hey, why don’t you teach me some things?” Reiner asked Bertholdt, depositing the bar’s wrapper in his shorts pocket. “Though I'm sure you'll top me.”

Reiner would never let him live that down, would he? Bertholdt never knew why he occasionally made innuendos. Or where they came from. They just happened.

“Wait,” Annie spoke up, she and Mikasa ceasing battle. “Let me. You’ll just go easy on him.”

“No, I won’t,” Bertholdt insisted.

“Yeah, you will.”

He slouched. It was true, he would be easy on him even if he tried not to. The instinct remained to be generous with the sensitive boy Reiner was in childhood. Like letting him win at hopscotch and video games. Until years later when he caught on and demanded he stop. But outmatching him at chess was one thing, beating him at something physical, even in teaching, was another.

Reiner pointed his thumb at Bertholdt. “We’re probably more evenly matched though.”

Bertholdt went rigid. _Reiner, shut up!_

Annie’s jaw clenched. “Oh?”

“Weight-wise, I mean.” _Has he never met Annie?_ “Though Mikasa is—”

Annie bounded over and swung her leg out. He tripped and toppled on his back. She laid her foot on his chest. “What were you saying?”

Mikasa held a hand on her hip and Bertholdt chuckled against his hand. At least Annie had no qualms about fighting Reiner fairly. And he _was_ asking for it.

Reiner heaved a breath. “That’s… that wasn’t even a taekwondo move, was it?”

“Not necessarily.”

“You girls are awesome,” called a middle-aged male bystander from several yards behind. He strolled over with a man and a woman of similar age. “You really owned him. And he’s more than twice your size.”

“Agh,” Reiner grumbled, pushing Annie’s foot away and sitting up.

“We’re trained fighters,” Mikasa said. “He’s not. Wanna watch what else we can do?” She looked at Bertholdt. “You can show them too.”

Bertholdt raised his hands. “Oh, uh, I don’t think…” The curious eyes of the onlookers made him sweat. “You two go ahead.”

“Can you take him down again?” asked the woman.

Annie eyed Reiner as he got up and dusted himself off. “If he doesn’t mind.”

“You know what?” Reiner began, “go for it. I have enough self-esteem that I can take it. You’re both so talented you deserve to show it off.”

Bertholdt’s heart warmed. _That's why I love you._

Mikasa held her arms out. “Okay. Try and take me down. For real.”

Reiner charged and tried to pin her arms to her sides. She broke free and kneed him in the gut.

The onlookers—now up to six—clapped.

Bertholdt watched the three spar for a little while longer until a phone vibrated in his running belt pouch. He unzipped it and found Reiner’s phone reading, ‘mom.’

She did care after all. He smirked, he was going to get payback for earlier. “Hello?” he answered.

“Hello? Who's this?”

“It’s Bertholdt.”

“Hi, hey is Reiner there?” He started to tell her a fable when she continued, “Because I can’t remember the pin to the new credit card. Since he used it last I thought he’d know.” He slow blinked. Heat rushed through his veins as he turned and stalked away several yards. “Hello?” she repeated.

“You… you don’t call this whole time and when you do it’s for a _pin number_? What is the matter with you? He’s your son, and you don’t care how his vacation is going? Do you have any idea how much he's hurt by this? Remember your own goddamn pin number!” Terrified to hear a response, he tapped end call.

He inhaled a sharp gasp, eyes fixed on the screen.

_What did I just do?_

He turned back to the crowd and saw them wrapping up. The onlookers applauded. Reiner wiped his damp forehead with his wrist and strolled over, smiling wearily. “Ah, you missed it,” he said. “I got the upper hand for a minute.” He eyed the phone. “Someone call for me?”

“I… it—” The phone vibrated again and Bertholdt fought the impulse to hurl it into the lake.

Reiner took his phone and answered. “Y’ello? Hey, mom. Yeah, I’m doing great. On the shore now with Bertholdt, Annie, and Mikasa. Oh really? Ha, yeah.” Bertholdt’s throat tightened as they exchanged more idle conversation. Scanning Reiner's face for a falter when Karina would tell him what he said. ”Yeah. Alright, talk to you later. Love you too. Bye.”

“What’d she say?” Oddly, it didn’t sound like she mentioned the credit card.

“Oh, actually just checking in. And Rebel chewed up the remote.” He eyed him up and down. “You’re sweating more than usual.”

“It’s uh, hot under the sun.”

“It’s been overcast for like ten minutes.”

“Sunlight still shines through clouds.”

“Ber-tl,” he sing-songed, poking his sides. “What is it?”

Like the night before, he forced out a breath and the words followed. “I answered it before you came over. She called about her credit card’s pin number because she forgot and thought you might remember it.”

“Pin number? She didn’t mention a pin number.”

“Well, she did to me. And I—I told her off… about it.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Told her off?”

He looked away. “I’m sorry.”

“What did you say?”

“That she didn’t care how your vacation was going, and that... that you were really hurt by her not checking in. That she should remember her own number. I wasn’t _that_ mean, I don’t think.”

“Bertholdt, you don’t have to fight my battles for me.”

“I know, I should call her and apologize.” He reached for his own phone in the bag when Reiner grabbed his wrist.

“No, no, don’t—” He sighed. “You sure she only called about the credit card?”

“That’s what she led with. Unless..." His eyes widened, dread flushing through him. "Oh god, maybe she just led with it. She didn’t ask you about it when she called back.”

"I told you I wasn't bothered by her—" His shoulders slumped when Bertholdt's chin trembled. “Oh... hey, come here.” He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. Bertholdt clung to him, forgoing his stance against PDA. “It’s okay. I’m not mad, just surprised.”

He buried his face in his neck. The aroma of sweat and sunscreen filled his nose. “I won’t do anything like that again.”

“Nah, I like when you stand up for me.”

“But she’s _your_ mom.”

“If you want, you can talk to her when we get home. She didn't sound mad. I'm sure she understands.”

“We kicked your ass so hard Bertholdt has to hug you,” Annie said, sauntering over.

Bertholdt pulled back and put on a smile. “Yep.”

Reiner gave a nod. “Absolutely. I'm nothing without my savior.”


	6. Day Seven (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trip wraps up with spin the bottle, a fire, pot-induced munchies, and second base.

“You don’t have to play if you don’t want to," Reiner said, tapping his fingers on the back lounge’s aging doorframe—the cramped room Eren, Mikasa, and Armin had been staying in.

_Please play._

Bertholdt was silent a moment, hands on the open hardback his lap. “Not on the mouth?”

“Absolutely not.”

He pursed his lips, chatter from the others echoing down the hall. “Yeah, okay.”

He clapped. “Yay!” Bertholdt shut the book and stood up. “So how's the reading going?”

During Bertholdt’s trip to the bookstore days prior, he purchased two on ghosts. Having asked the clerk which ones could make a non-believer believe.

“There’s some interesting stuff for sure,” Bertholdt answered. “Accounts of mediums knowing things about dead relatives that you couldn’t guess from a cold reading. So I’ll give it that.”

“I knew you could be at least a little de-Scullied. Hey, didn’t you have a thing for Scully?”

He smiled. “And Mulder.”

“Oh yeah… god, who doesn't?” Mulder was the only reason Reiner’s pre-teen self could get past The X-Files' scare factor.

Bertholdt followed him down the hall to the living room. The coffee table had been pushed aside and Marcel, Galliard, Pieck, and Annie sat in an incomplete circle on the rug, An empty glass coke bottle lay in the center. The heavy curtains were drawn to block out the harsh late afternoon light.

“Where’s the other three?” Bertholdt asked, he and Reiner taking the space between Annie and Marcel.

Annie scrutinized the bottle. “Eren blushed madly at the suggestion, Mikasa shrugged, and Armin just followed them outside.”

“Let’s just do this already,” Marcel urged. “I need kisses. I’m lonely and pathetic.” He looked at his brother. “You won the coin toss so go.”

Galliard rested his chin in his hand. “Okay, but I’m not kissing you.”

“No,” Pieck said. “Either you do or you can’t play.”

He shrugged and gave the bottle a twirl. Its motion-blurred form spun until it stilled between Bertholdt and Reiner but slightly more toward the latter. Marcel and the others laughed under their breath.

Reiner eyed the bottle. “Uh…”

Galliard shook his head. “Nope, nope. It landed on Bertholdt.”

Annie pointed at the bottle neck’s position. “It’s clearly on Reiner.”

He kept shaking his head. “Nope. Bertholdt.” The brunet resembled a deer in the headlights as Galliard crawled to him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before returning to his position.

Reiner choked on a laugh as he watched Bertholdt’s rigid posture. “You okay, man?”

He relaxed, resting his hands in his lap. “Yeah, it actually wasn’t bad.”

Galliard snorted. “Of course it wasn’t.”

Pieck placed her hand on the bottle. “My turn, my turn.” She spun and this time it landed squarely on Reiner.

She crept forth and Reiner turned his head to give her access to his cheek. He startled back when sticky lips pressed against his own.

“Ah!” Galliard protested as the others sat wide-eyed.

“Uh,” Reiner started, a blush on his neck, “it’s supposed to be on the cheek.”

She sat back. “Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot.” She returned to her place and met Galliard's gaze. “What? You wouldn’t kiss him.”

Reiner licked his lips of her strawberry lip balm. “Huh, never kissed a girl before.” Bertholdt giggled beside him. “The hell are you laughing at?”

He cleared his throat. “Your face when she kissed you.”

The others joined in laughing, even Galliard cracked a smile.

“This was your idea, Reiner,” Marcel said with a smirk. “Your fault. Also my turn.” He spun the bottle and it landed on Annie. “Aw, yes.” Annie sighed and Marcel leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You smell like vanilla,” he purred.

“You smell like cheap cologne." she retorted, voice deadpan.

“Ouch.”

Annie spun the bottle and it pointed to herself. She kissed her fingertips then patted her cheek..

“No, you have to spin again,” Reiner said.

“We never established that as a rule. And it’s your turn.”

“Fine.” The bottle landed on Bertholdt. He gave him a sloppy peck on the cheek.

Bertholdt smiled at the kiss and took his turn spinning. Galliard. “Oh. Alright.” He hesitated before crawling forth, squeezing his eyes shut and planting a kiss on his mouth.

Galliard lurched back. “Bertholdt, what the fuck!?”

Bertholdt lingered, still on his hands and knees. “Uh, Pieck kissed my boyfriend. Heh, it’s only fair... I guess.”

Pieck nodded. “True. We’re even now.”

Bertholdt moved back by Reiner. “I really don’t know what came over me..”

Reiner patted his shoulder. “Your inner Pieck.”

Pieck preened. “How lovely.”

Bertholdt wiped his mouth.

Galliard huffed. “What are you wiping your mouth for?”

“Oh my god,” Annie began with an eyeroll, “you’re both offended he kissed you _and_ that he wiped his mouth afterward?”

Reiner cackled.

Galliard glared. “I’m gonna kick your ass, Reiner.”

“What? _She_ told the joke!” He pointed to Annie.

“I’m gonna kiss Bertholdt with tongue now. So everytime you kiss him you’ll remember how my tongue has been there.”

“Bleach is a thing.”

Bertholdt held his hands out. “He is not tongue-kissing me and I’m not bleaching my mouth.”

Marcel threw his head back and groaned. “Hey! I’ve only gotten one kiss. Let’s keep playing.”

“What the hell are you all yelling about?” Zeke asked, barging down the hall. “Really? Spin-the-bottle? I thought you’d be too old for that.”

“We’re having wholesome non-illegal fun,” Reiner explained, looking over his shoulder. “What you and Erwin wanted.”

He heaved a sigh. “Carry on then.” He trekked back down the hall.

Reiner climbed to his feet. “Hang on, I need something to drink.” Walking to the fridge, his hand gripped its handle when something sparkled from the backyard. “Hey, Zeke?” he called.

“Yes?” he answered from his room.

“Are Eren, Mikasa, and Armin supposed to be having a fire in the backyard?”

“A _what_!?”

The others hurried to the sliding door. Reiner opened it and he and Marcel ran out. A recliner bloomed with flame.

_Where’d that come from?_

Eren went to throw a blanket over it while Mikasa went for the hose.

“Wait, Eren!" Armin called. "Mikasa spilled nail polish remover on that!”

The blanket went ablaze. Reiner and Marcel pushed Eren and Armin out of its way.

***

“I can do this part,” Reiner said as he and Bertholdt sat at the kitchen table.

Bertholdt massaged salve on Reiner's burned wrist. “I think you deserve to be babied.”

“True.” The salve cooled the burn's sharp sting into a dull warmth. Reiner was glad Zeke had restocked his first aid kit in anticipation of their stay.

Zeke’s lecture to Eren, Mikasa, and Armin boomed from the living room. Eren had brought the recliner out from the shed to sit in. Then Armin had lit a piece of redwood because he liked the smell. The rest was history. Mikasa had thanked Reiner and Marcel for their action, giving each an affirming squeeze to their arm. At least they had redeemed themselves in her eyes. Somewhat.

Reiner watched Bertholdt's deft fingers work. Pressing the gauze over the reddened skin and sliding a piece of tape along the edges. ”Why don’t you become a doctor? Or veterinarian? You're a natural at this.”

He secured the last strip of tape. “I’ve considered it. But I don't think I could.”

“How come?”

“I just can’t stand the thought of having to deal with so many people or animals who won’t get better. Or not being able to revive someone if they code. Or putting a pet to sleep. That sorta thing.”

“Oh.” He paused. “I’m sorry, this was a bad topic.”

He smiled warmly and shook his head. “Don't worry about it, it’s fine.” He piled the first aid supplies back in their clear box.

Zeke’s lecture finished and Eren and Mikasa retreated to their room. Armin came in the kitchen and reached for a box of crackers as Bertholdt put away the first aid.

“Hey, Armin?” Reiner asked as Bertholdt sat back down.

Armin dug into a box of Ritz. ”Yeah?”

“What should Bertholdt and I do with our lives once we graduate?”

“Career wise?”

“Yeah, if you had to pick for us. You’re intuitive.”

Armin pursed his lips. “Hmmm…”

Galliard turned the corner from the open door to the garage. making Reiner flinch. “Okay, I wasn't gonna at first but I have to chime in.” He looked at Reiner. “Firefighter.”

“Huh,” Armin said, munching another cracker. “That makes sense.”

Reiner squinted. “ _Firefighter_? What, because of just now?”

Galliard hopped up on the counter and swung his legs. “No, because you get to be a big ass hero and have people fawn over you which you love.”

“Right...”

Bertholdt pouted. “I’d worry about you so much if you were a fireman.”

“And I’d assure you I know what I was doing."

“Heh. So what should I do?” he asked Armin and Galliard.

“Botanist,” Galliard said.

“Huh?” Armin asked. “I was going to say something in the liberal arts. Like English or even teaching.”

“Yeah,” Bertholdt said. “That’s much more up my alley. I’m not that into plants.”

Galliard folded his arms. “Really? I can see you as the guy in a lab coat surrounded by a bunch of freaky plants.”

“...thank you?” He scratched his nose. “But I'd really rather not decide right now.”

“Yeah,” Reiner began, standing, “on second thought, let’s save the anxiety-causing future talk for when we’re not on vacation.” He stepped over and patted Galliard and Armin on the shoulder.

Galliard stared at the spot Reiner had touched him. “Alright then...”

“The whole thing does stress me out,” Bertholdt said, tapping his fingernails on the table.

Reiner moved behind him. “Then relax. Let me put my hands to good use.” He started massaging his back when the strain pulled on his burn. He was unable to stifle the whine of pain.

He turned. ”Be careful. Don’t do that if it hurts.”

Armin set down his cracker box and frowned. Reiner had earlier promised him a backrub. Sharing a cramped bed with Eren and Mikasa left him waking up in uncomfortable positions that caused a backache.

“Ah, Armin, I can still get you with one hand,” Reiner said. “Oooh, I should be a firefighter slash masseuse.”

***

Reiner slid open the back door out. The scent of burned fabric hung in the evening air. Zeke had refused to take it out to the curb for trash pickup. He declared he would never have marred furniture visible outside his house.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Reiner asked Galliard who sat at the small round table.

Galliard kept scribbling in his notebook. “Eh, yeah I guess.”

“Were you serious earlier? About the fireman thing? Or were you just messing with me?”

He kept his gaze on his moving pen. “Was I?”

“Cut the crap. Were you?”

“Yeah, I was serious.”

“Because I cannot stop thinking about it. I can’t believe I’d never thought of it before. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome then.” Reiner started back inside when he added, “Wait.”

“What?”

He set the pen down. “When you asked me about Bertholdt, did my idea work?”

“Uh, yeah… no.”

He leaned back in his seat. “Marcel told me it sucked.”

“Well, you tried. It was actually him who took the plunge. So how did you and Pieck happen?”

He shrugged and shook his head. “Uh. I don’t—I don’t know.”

“Ah, come on.”

He heaved a sigh. “I wrote her a letter.”

He forced down a laugh. “A letter?”

He turned back to the notebook. “Mm-hm.”

“I’m surprised she hasn’t overshared that.” he slid over beside him. “Oh, is that what you’re writing now?”

He shut the notebook. “ _No_. And I asked her not to overshare that.”

“Well, I’m glad it worked out for you.” He started back inside when again Galliard stopped him.

“Hey, Reiner?”

He hung his head down. “Yes?”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out an Altoids case. “Do you want to smoke this joint with me?” His eyes were screwed shut as if bracing for something.

His eyebrows shot up. “Where’d you get that?"

“Zeke's band. Billy. They're a band so yeah. And it's funny how idiotic you act when you're stoned.”

He glanced back at the house. Before he came outside, the rest were consumed by various Wii Sports matches. Annie making snide comments about Zeke’s preference for console gaming over PC. Their argument had become pretty heated.

“Eh, sure," Reiner agreed. "Why not?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yes, Reiner and Galliard are getting high together. Just you wait.


	7. Day Seven (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is done with but I do intend on doing more for this verse so don't worry.

Reiner never knew Galliard was into astrology. He spoke of Taurus Major and the constellation of—or maybe it was astronomy. One of those two. Regardless, he shared his inspiring visions for the future.

“It’s gonna change the world,” Galliard said, staring off into space as the smoke cloud dissipated.

“Szechuan-style crab cakes is an amazing idea,” Reiner said, placing his feet on the table and enjoying the fuzzy feeling engulfing his body. “I’d eat that right now.”

And he hated crab.

He perked up. “There’s a Target nearby. Why not go get the ingredients right now? I’ll make them tonight in a huge batch. It’s only…” He looked at his watch. “Eight.” He stood up.

He stood as well. “Yeah, yeah that’s a great idea! Let’s go through the side gate so no one will know we’re gone and when we get back with all this stuff it’ll—”

“Be a surprise. Yes, _yes_.” He started toward the side gate and Reiner followed.

“Better this way anyway, we’re way too stoned to drive.”

He snorted. “I’m hardly stoned at all.”

They reached the sidewalk and turned left down the neighborhood street. “Dude, your eyes are _so_ red, are you kidding me?”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m trying to remember the ingredients I need.”

They reached the Target after three and a half blocks. Reiner grabbed Galliard’s arm before they stepped foot on the parking lot's concrete.

Galliard stopped. “What the hell? What?”

“We need to be careful,” Reiner answered, scanning the numerous patrons coming and going. “With our luck, Levi, Hanji, and or Erwin will probably be here.”

He nodded knowingly. “And you’re so stoned you’d get in some deep shit.”

“Oh fuck, look!” He pointed at a svelte blonde woman getting out of her SUV. “Sorry, thought that was Erwin for a sec."

"Chill, man."

He shook his foggy head as he and Galliard started for the entrance. "Hey, you ever noticed how blue Erwin's eyes are though? Like Lake Maria.”

“I’d so go gay for Erwin.”

“Me too.”

“You’re already gay.”

“Oh, right.”

The colorfully-stocked aisles leapt out at Reiner once they crossed the automatic doors. His mouth watered. Canned ravioli? Yes. Boxed mac and cheese? Yes. Jumbo Twizzler’s bag? Hell yes! He wondered if this was what it was like to be Sasha. Or Bertholdt.

Bertholdt! He should get him something.

“What should I get Bertholdt?” Reiner asked as they traversed the grocery aisles.

Galliard adjusted the already half-full red hand basket. “A houseplant. He's gotta start somewhere.”

He sighed. “No, like a snack. But symbolic in some way that he’ll go ‘awww, that reminds me of the time we…’” Galliard chucked a can of black olives in the basket. “What’s that for?”

“I’ll think of something.”

“Oh! A Butterfinger.” He grabbed a king-sized candy bar from an end display. “We had Butterfingers the day after we met.”

“Heh. ‘Bertlfinger.’”

He laughed. “‘Buttertholdt.’” They strolled to the cheese section and both gazed at the selection in awe.

Galliard stroked a round package of Stilton. “Damn. Just damn.”

Finally, they made it to the checkout counter. The clerk eyed with a them an amused smile as she rang them up. He didn't think their state was _that_ obvious, but his fascination with her vest's Target logo was likely hard to miss. Galliard paid much to Reiner’s delight as he was allowed his parent’s credit card for small charges. Marcel was the one not allowed. The first time he used their card he impulse bought a giant teddy bear for $50 ( _“But it was marked down from $85!”_ ).

Once outside, Galliard sat down on the storefront’s curb and rummaged through one of the bags.

“What are you doing?” Reiner asked.

“I can’t wait,” he replied, pulling out a deli sandwich and unwrapping it. “I have to—” He bit into it. “Oh, fuck me.” Reiner shrugged and joined him on the curb. “I have to put a sandwich just like this on my menu. Pastrami, tomato. And this thousand island dressing? More like million island.”

He stretched out his legs. “Oh yeah, the whole four-star chef thing.”

“Mm-hm.” He held his hand out. “Picture it: I’m a chef with my own cooking show, and Pieck is a genius prize-winning engineer. You’re a fireman. You save puppies and babies from burning buildings. Meanwhile Bertholdt alters the DNA of plants and comes home with green stains on his sweater.”

“Uh, he was pretty adamant against that idea.”

“His bad choices then.”

Reiner stared at the night sky. Though unable to see the stars through the light pollution, he pictured Taurus Major and imagined his future. Bertholdt would be great at something in the liberal arts. And hell, even botany too. But regardless of what he chose, Reiner wanted to be beside him. He knew that long before he’d fallen in love with him. Being with Bertholdt, his always gentle—

“I could kill you!” Bertholdt exclaimed, hustling across the parking lot with Pieck.

Galliard grinned. “Ah, Pieck-a-boo!”

Reiner's head swam. “Whoa, how’d you find us?”

“Just by walking around,” Bertholdt said as they caught up. “You scared us to death! You’ve been gone for almost an hour. You both left your phones at home.”

“God, I’m sorry. I guess we kinda lost track of time.” He placed his hands over his pockets—no phone. ”And our phones...”

Pieck sat down beside Galliard and gave him a tap on the cheek. “Bad.” She narrowed her eyes as his. “Oh, they’re high.”

Bertholdt blinked. “Oh. _Oh_.”

“Wait, an hour?” Galliard questioned through a mouthful, then looked at his watch. “It’s almost nine. We’ve been in there that long?” he asked Reiner.

“Thought it was like… twenty minutes at the most.”

Bertholdt sat next to Reiner. “Wow, your eyes are bloodshot. You were walking around like that?”

“Guess so.”

He eyed the paper bags, his tense features softening. “You must've gotten the munchies.”

“I was gonna make crab cakes,” Galliard said, then threw his head back. “Oh fuck! I forgot about crab cake ingredients.”

Reiner slumped. “We forgot to get what we came here for?”

“Meh, it's fine. I have stuff for and jalapeno poppers and tiramisu.”

“Well,” Pieck began, standing and pulling him up by his hand, “we’re leaving tomorrow so you should get that done tonight. Make this excursion worth it.”

Reiner and Bertholdt rose to their feet too. Reiner, Bertholdt, and Pieck each took a paper bag while Galliard continued his sandwich.

Reiner tentatively reached for Bertholdt’s hand with his free one. “I know you’re mad at me but…”

Bertholdt half-smiled and accepted his hand. “I’m not mad... anymore. Just don’t do it again. It wasn’t like you."

"Promise."

"Eh, but I’m one to talk. Your stoned is much better than my drunk.”

“Very true.”

They strolled down the sidewalk and Reiner’s mouth watered thinking about the Doritos in the bag. Could one use Dorito crumbs as breading to fry jalapeno poppers in? He sighed internally. He would need to hit the gym when he got home. So many simple fats threw his body out of whack.

Arriving at Zeke's house, they went inside and Zeke stood in the living room with crossed arms. “I told Billy not to give out any green,” he said.

“Zeke,” Galliard began with a grin, taking Pieck's bag to the kitchen, “don’t worry. I am going make a feast to make up for it.”

“Of course you are.” He looked behind him and shouted, “They’re back!”

Reiner went through the paper sacks and pulled out the candy bar. “Hey Butter, I got you a Bertlfinger.”

Bertholdt cracked up. “Thanks, I love Bertlfingers.”

“I mean a—just take it.”

***

“Jalapeno poppers rolled in Dorito crumbs are the best thing to ever happen,” Reiner said, sprawled out on the futon at bedtime. “I’m so full… Too full.”

“You ate more than I did,” Bertholdt said, sitting against the pillows and flipping through his ghost book.

“I don’t know how you do it.” He shimmied over and lay his head on Bertholdt’s stomach. “Nice pillow.” He listened to the whir of the central air and hummed. “I’m gonna miss being your bunkmate.”

“Yeah. It’s been a lot of fun. It’ll feel weird having so much space to myself again.” He set his book on the end table and trailed his fingers through Reiner’s hair.

He shuddered from the feel of the caress. “Yeah, and I don’t think they sell six-four body pillows that twist into pretzels overnight to fill in for you.”

“Hm, I could replace you. Find a two-hundred pound boulder and put it on my bed.”

Reiner laughed and Bertholdt’s stomach vibrated against his cheek from his own laughter. He really would miss this. Being able to decompress each day alongside Bertholdt. The throaty notes of his voice and tickles from his touch easing him into a deep slumber.

Reiner placed a hand on Bertholdt's knee. “Hey, I never got a chance to thank you.”

“For what?”

“Coming to rescue me earlier.”

“I just walked to the store.”

“Yeah, but for all you knew Galliard talked me into running into a burning building to test drive the fireman thing. You’d probably had to have carried me out. So thanks. For walking to the store.”

“You're welcome.”

“So what _do_ you think of the fireman thing? You said it’d make you anxious, but beyond that?”

He shifted. “It’s your decision, and you have years to decide.”

“ _Bertl_.”

“I think you’d be good at it.”

Still a non-answer, but he figured he ought not to press him. "Actually... I have more to thank you for. Like standing up for me to my mom.”

His hand stopped its caress. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Maybe not, but I was lying when I said her not calling didn’t bother me. And you knew that.”

“Who wouldn’t it bother? But... you’re welcome.” His fingertips rubbed circles onto the nape of his neck.

Warmth bloomed through Reiner’s chest and he rolled on his side to look at him. “Thanks for all of it. You always come to save me like a prince.”

His eyebrows raised. “A _prince_?”

“Prince charming.”

“Oh.”

Reiner inched up and planted both hands on either side of Bertholdt’s shoulders. Their faces mere inches apart. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Reiner.”

They kissed, soft and filling Reiner’s stomach with butterflies. Bertholdt’s hands ran up and down Reiner’s back and he slipped his tongue in his mouth. Unexpected, but Reiner reciprocated, tasting his cinnamon toothpaste. Why he always used such a terrible flavor was beyond him, but he certainly wasn’t complaining now.

“You french better when you’re sober,” Reiner said against his lips.

“Hush.” He kissed him again with more depth and stroked his back.

He was about to suggest exchanging more hickeys when Bertholdt traced the exposed skin of his lower back. Reiner’s eyes flew open.

_What’s he doing?_

The hand was too warm and too welcome for Reiner to protest, so he ran his own down Bertholdt’s chest. Bertholdt nudged the shirt to his mid back and continued his exploration. Reiner rolled on his side and they lay beside each other before resuming a passionate kiss. His tastebuds flared at the continued dose of cinnamon Bertholdt's tongue offered.

This was getting heavy. Zeke would no doubt appear at any moment puffing an e-cig. But Reiner decided if they kept it below a certain level it’d be easy to resume an innocent position if interrupted.

Bertholdt broke the kiss and slid his hands to Reiner’s toned stomach. The blond's eyes grew wide as watched him methodically trace each plane. His gaze then flitted up, curious to see Bertholdt’s face as he did this. The brunet's saliva-slick lips were parted and—once again—his cheeks were visibly red even in the dim light.

Reiner was growing a tad hard. How could he not? Bertholdt had never touched him like that before. Familiar hands entering uncharted territory.

Bertholdt’s mouth formed a boyish smile as his long index finger ran across his rib. “This is… something.”

Reiner forced a bated breath through his mouth. “You should see what I have going on up higher.” He waggled his eyebrows

His hands traveled to his chest and Reiner gnashed his teeth. “Your body’s incredible.”

It was his turn to blush. Bertholdt had never said something like that to him (apart from the drunken incident).

“Thank you.” He cringed inside. Stupid thing to say to something like that but his brain short circuited. “Can I?” Reiner touched the end of Bertholdt’s shirt. He nodded and Reiner ran his hands across his stomach too, skin twitching under his fingers. He recalled Bertholdt’s mild ticklishness from childhood. One of the few playful things Annie ever did was surprise (slash torment) Bertholdt by tickling his sides.

Reiner stifled a whine when Bertholdt's fingers grazed his pecks. His palms moved across them before giving a gentle squeeze.

The way Bertholdt gawked at that waitress's cleavage, his years-long fascination with Petra’s chest, and now…

_Fond of the human bosom, huh?_

He started to say something, but wanted to retain the moment. He would tease him about it some other time.

This looked good, their arms tangled around each other exploring their bodies. Reiner’s hand again rested over Bertholdt's pounding heart. He kept it there, watching his face in the dim light. Wondering if he was half hard too. _God_ did he want to find out.

Bertholdt's hands drifted away before pulling Reiner’s shirt down and pecking his lips. Yeah. This had to end. He breathed out a long breath through his lips, trying to will his hardness down. He had imagined sex with Bertholdt countless times, in countless ways, positions, and locations. But Zeke’s living room was not one of those locations.

Reiner put Bertholdt’s shirt back too. “That’s some good stuff.”

“Mm-hm.”

His head settled on the pillow and they gazed at each other, Reiner spreading Bertholdt’s bangs across his forehead, then back again.

“What’s second base between two guys?” Bertholdt asked.

“Beats me. That was probably it though.”

The telltale creak of Zeke’s door sounded followed by his heavy footsteps. Reiner and Bertholdt shut their eyes and pulled the covers to their shoulders.

“Why are you still awake?” Zeke asked.

_Damnit._

Before either could answer, Zeke pulled the blankets down to their waists. “You look decent, but your deer in the headlights expressions say otherwise.” He tossed the cover back over them. “If you get come stains on my futon I’m telling your parents about every single thing you did this week.”

Bertholdt grimaced and Reiner said, “This isn’t exactly the most romantic place.”

“Really? I’ve bedded many women here.”

“I meant _here_ here. On your futon with a hundred other people in the house who could walk in at any moment.”

“I know, I’ve bedded many women on that same futon.”

Bertholdt's grimaced deepened and Reiner’s erection was effectively a thing of the past.

“Why would—” _you do it on the futon when you have your own bed?_ He didn’t want to know.

“Like... groupies?” Bertholdt asked.

"He means to say goodnight," Reiner cut in.

Bertholdt nodded. "Y—yeah, I did mean that."

"Goodnight then," Zeke said, pulling an e-cig from his pocket. He moved to the front window and lit it up, puffing it as he stared outside.

Reiner wouldn't be able to sleep with Zeke's intense presence and the tacky tropical-scented vapor. Though he had an excuse to bury his nose against Bertholdt's nightshirt and breathe in his scent for a while longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know y'all must hate me for the tease BUT it wasn't The Right Time.

**Author's Note:**

> I [Tumbl](https://thecolossustitan.tumblr.com).


End file.
